Blogtoberfest: My Season of Fat

My fat season lasts from the first day that it is remotely chilly (65ºF or lower) until the first day where it warms up here in Texas.  What?  I used the word “fat”?  Yep I did.  I own it…I dare you to give me a hard time about it.  I embrace my fat season, and I hope you all do too.

The first day of the season, I make some sort of homemade soup. (When I say homemade, I mean boiling chicken bones until you get chicken stock, etc.) You can’t have homemade soup without homemade bread.  Then what is chicken soup and bread without a nice warm fresh cobbler?  See where I am going here? (Did I mention I’m an amazing cook…makes ya wanna slap your mamma good)

As soon as this happens, the Halloween decorations slowly begin to appear.  That means the glass pumpkins have be filled with candy bars, candy corn (which if you don’t eat by color you’re a freak), and m&ms.  A few of these find their way into my mouth somehow.  I am not sure how.  I suspect Prince Harry or Obama use their invisibility cloaks to put them in.  I certainly don’t sit on my a$$ while writing, eating all the crap I can find to stuff in my face, and drinking copious amounts of vodka. Until then I am going to embrace my Season of Fat. 

IMG00521 Blogtoberfest: My Season of Fat

I’m not eating them…I’m just having fun.

IMG0055 Blogtoberfest: My Season of Fat

What? I just like lollipops!

IMG0054 Blogtoberfest: My Season of Fat

uhhh Prince Harry gave it to me!

IMG0053 Blogtoberfest: My Season of Fat

Okay it might be a problem

But really I don’t have a choice.  I am supposed to be making my children’s childhoods memorable.  I’ll make special treats, and then I will stop eating like this after Halloween….oh wait Thanksgiving.  Well I HAVE to eat bad then.  It would be impolite to my family and friends to go on a diet in November.  I guess I could at the beginning of November.  Wait…no my sister needs me to eat cake on her birthday.  Yep, I can’t do it until after Thanksgiving.  Until then I am going to embrace my Season of Fat. 

Once Thanksgiving is over, I am in the clear.  Let me tell you, it will be a relief to not sit down and feel the fat start to roll.  If I get it under control now, it won’t be an issue.  What did you say?  Oh Christmas that’s right!  I have cookies to bake.  Caramel corn to make.  I need to go to all the parties I’m invited to, and as I am all about manners, I should eat a little of everything served.  I will start my diet on New Years. Well, the day after. It will be a relief when I don’t have to wonder if the button of my jeans will close or not.  Until then I am going to embrace my Season of Fat. 

Around January 5th, I will face the truth: I won’t be dieting until after Valentine’s Day.  Every day, I’ll stuff my sausage thighs into my pants.  I love my cold weather clothes because they are such dark jewel toned colors, plus they hide my jelly rolls.  With each step I’ll feel my junk in the trunk jiggle. Until then I am going to embrace my Season of Fat. 

Then the first day of warm weather happens, and I despise the sun.  Truly a horror story that almost every woman in America goes through.

spookybannercopy 584x269 Blogtoberfest: My Season of Fat

Post this banner on your wall with a spooky tale or fun Halloween blog project and I will link you in my next post! I would love for each and every reader to participate! x, Becca

 

Lady or Not…Here I Come!


Comments

Blogtoberfest: My Season of Fat — 73 Comments

  1. What you need, Bec, is Tim Tams – I assume there’s an equivalent in the US – this sort of thick chocolate wafer biscuit. I’m no sweet tooth but even I’m known to indulge. It was created in 1958, based on an English biscuit called a Penguin – but it’s better. And it’s named after the winner of the 1958 Kentucky Derby winner.

  2. I can see that you are a true lollipop fan Becca
    and as Halloween approaches there is always a
    good few lollipops to suck on so get ready for the
    wicked, incredibly dark and creepy ghouls :) lol

    The trick-or-treaters will be out in force too, sooo
    watch out for those little monsters :) lmao

    Andro xxx

  3. I am of the kind that does not wait for a holiday before I allow myself to indulge. Hence, I am filled with the joy and spirit that comes with feeding my face. And it shows. On my bum, on my thighs. Hell – I even wear it under my chin for fun!

  4. Yikes! It really is hard to resist. For years I was very much in the ‘just say no’ camp but it gets difficult. On a serious note, providing happy childhoods can coexist with relatively few candies! K.

  5. If you moved north, you would simply be able to call the fact a precautionary measure against the cold.
    There, problem solved, and you can revel in the fat as a sign of your obvious winter preparedness…

    • Ahh Jonathan, I was only poking fun at myself. If you read back you will see that I have had weight issues. It does take time and new habits. I am neither thin nor obese. I have been both. I am sorry if this post upset you. That wasn’t my intention.

      x,
      Becca

  6. you could live in canada where thanksgiving is over (or at least in 10 hours will be). then you’d be healthy again in time for xmas extra-curriculars and have a better health/dental plan to remove those undesirable substances from your teeth while keeping the desirable body morsels in tact, y’all ;

  7. I so so agree… on my recent Fiji trip I just ate EVERYTHING, knowing I’d gain some weight, but who cares? It’ll come back off. Or it won’t. Haha.

  8. I have now had to send my poor husband out to buy chocolate digestives (which are nicer than than they sound). You can’t eat them in quantities of less than five, it’s a well known fact. Something to do with quantum.

  9. I like the way you think. As soon as October comes around, I get excited. “Finally, I can start eating candy corn and drinking egg nog!” And yes, I eat candy corn by the color (and I like the pumpkins the best).

  10. Yep…if you haven’t met your weight goals by October, forget about it till next year! Then, at least, you have all those weight loss commercials to motivate you.

  11. I wish I could participate in fat season with you here in Texas!!! “unfortunately” I have to go back to Hawaii in December and fatness isn’t very popular there. Haha…eat extra cobbler for me? :)

  12. Eating candy corn by color is the only way to go Becca! It’s also important to eat the stems off of those Halloween pumpkins first and the crunchberries before the regular capt crunch. I’m surprised you don’t know this.

    • I do know about pumpkins. Crunch Berries, not so much…ewww I am a crunch purest. I did buy some Halloween Crunch and they had ghosts in them that looked like penises with a third ball.

Oh you know you want to give verbal ejaculation a try. Spit it out!