Tonight I went to dinner. I was out at fine dining restaurant. [I got my baby-back, baby-back, baby-back ribs...] I felt like the queen I should feel like. I walked in the door and they led me to a table that they must have set aside in case I walked in. The table was a perfect fit for my entourage (cough…my family).
I sat down and a sweet young waiter came to the table and asked me if I wanted to order drinks. This is when I knew he was in love with me. I ordered my diet coke and Jack Daniels. Then he handed me extra napkins. He nodded his head, which was a sign that he wanted me.
Would you like something to drink Foxy Becca?
I felt sorry for the rest of my entourage. The sexual chemistry was out of control. Many times throughout the meal he kept asking if I wanted a refill on my water. He would make eye contact with me and smile every time he would refill my beverage. Once he asked me if I wanted more Jack and Coke.
His blooming love concerned me. I didn’t want him to feel mislead as I ordered fajitas and ate them. I knew he was watching me take each bite and thinking of me biting into him. That dirty waiter.
Then at the end of our meal he asked me if I wanted dessert. We all know what that means. I told him no thank you. He winked and said, can I get you anything else? I blushed and said no thanks. He then drew a smile on my check…he totally wanted to bang me in the back.
This is what it is like to be Becca, lady of Lady or Not…Here I Come. Sigh. I can’t go anywhere without people hitting on me. Sigh. It sucks. Oh the whore…I mean the horror!
x,
Becca
Lady or Not…Here I Come!
“Bang me in the back” is a double entendre here. Bahahahaha!
Indeed
Oh! I get it! “Bang me in the back.” Like a massage therapist or chiropractor performing percussion on a client’s spinal column… Before he performs sodomy. D:
LOL The question is did I mean to put that in there or was it an accident?
Course you did, ask Dr Freud!
always!
Best. Post. Ever.
And I have the same problem at restaurants, but sadly my waiters never look like your waiter.
Thanks love. I thought I was the only one. I guess you must be hot too. Does he refill your water?
you always know the right things to say. I love your blog. It keeps me lighthearted, and I can laugh . I love it!!!!
Thanks Terry. I aim to keep hearts light
$10 for the whole family/entourage including tip and drinks! It looks like you did more than just fantasize on this guy.
shhhhh don’t tell.
It’s tough being a good looking guy. Women only want us for our bodies. Pervs.
I know…sigh…Poor guys.
next time make it a fine looking waitress but great write
lol that sounds like the start to a porn… daydreaming dear? I have no issues with chicks digging chicks but my waiter was a man.
I guess he’s only human after all… Too funny!!
Indeed he is…I am pretty irresistible
It must have been really hard, I mean it must have
lol
been really difficult for him wanting you throughout
the meal and licking his lips at any opportunities of
a wild, wicked and most delicious dessert
Becca you get worse, but in a nice way
Andro xxx
He had a very difficult time…and yes I get worse and better. I hope you have a wonderful day.
x,
Becca
That waiter totally wanted to bang you in the back. What a difficult life you lead, lady Becca. ;-P haha
very difficult and troublesome.
sigh
A waiter asked me if I wanted to bang in the back once. His name was Bruce. He was a burly man. And even more handsome. It scared me.
This never happened. Sorry.
Thanks for popping by to verbally ejaculate.
How great! I needed to laugh this morning thank you!
You’re very welcome!
I get that from my waitresses when i go out.
Wow, here we are, you and I, two great minds, I mean bodies, no make that sexual beings, finding so many of the opposite sex wanting and desiring us over square tables and rectangular booths.
Sort of makes sex a meal in itself.
Thanks for the fun and something I can relate to.
Randy
I am nothing, if not relatable.
It’s a good thing he didn’t hand you a coupon on your way out, or you may have needed restraints to calm him down.
Or excite him more…
Oh yeah…We might have been arrested for indecent behavior at that point. I wouldn’t want my kids to see that.
Haha, Oh Becca, clearly you’re irresistible.
That’s not your actual receipt, right? If so, he must have loved you!
You are obviously doing it all right!
she is
He did love me…but no it isn’t MY receipt.
….
When I was a shirtless waiter, I wasn’t as successful because my chest hairs shed into the dishes I carried to the tables. I refused to shave my chest and that was that….I became a meter reader and met bored..frustrated housewives that way.
Smart…you have to save all the chest hairs you can save. Those FH needed you anyway.
I am glad you enjoyed it. I hope you continue enjoying my work.
Hilarious!
Thanks love!
There is nothing wrong will a little healthy delusion. Or at least that’s what it would be in my case…
Oh see this isn’t delusion…surely it was true love.
Went in to the restaurant after you left. Couldn’t get any service at all, the waiter was looking out the window with a tear in his eye and sighing the whole time. Thanks a lot. . .
LMAO Sorry about that Karen.
You crack me up! Thank you.
LOL nope thank you for reading.
x,
Becca
There’s nothing like having a hot waiter to complete the fine dining experience! You are one lucky girl!! The smiley on the check says it all. I’m am so jealous.
It is tough being me
You weren’t kidding! You really are having to fight guys off. Have you thought about pepper spray? Maybe a baseball bat? I would say you didn’t give him a big enough tip for the services BUT guys are delusional sometime and a bigger tip may have appeared to be a sign of your undying love. Awesome post.
Thanks
I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I just pretended not to notice.
This is hysterical! (prolly in the old sense of the word, lol) Rebecca, your wit is as sharp as it gets. Really a unique and irreverent voice, I love the fantastic trip to dinner. And yes, clearly, that dirty birdie wanted you bad!
I am glad you enjoyed my dinner out. I felt I owed it to the world to know how much he wanted me. Thanks for all your kind words.
Lmao! This was hilar! Loved it! I only ever get hit on by bar tenders. This of course after I’ve tipped them ridiculously. Smh. Lucky to be you! Nonetheless loved the post, will definitely be following.
manhattanjan.wordpress.com
I am glad you loved it so much
coquettish much? Still that’s hilarity at it’s finest! Thanks for another amazing blog post!
Thanks for reading
As always…perfect. Loved it…
Thanks love. thanks for your continued reading.
You shamless harlot!
Indeed. Sigh
Oh Becca…I feel your pain. That is always happening to ME to. Once, the waiter even PLACED the napkin in my LAP!!! You KNOW what THAT means Becca… He was trying to grab a quick peek at my Netherlands and my Boobs that were hanging out. What we sex goddesses have to GO through just to have a meal huh!!!
Until Later…
It is objectification. How dare they!
He must have been impressed with the downright spunk and grit you displayed ordering the combination of Jack Daniels and Diet Coke.
I know…I should have considered a different choice.
It’s hard being so fine. Seeing as I am royalty I often get hit on when I am out and about. Heavy lies the crown. You made me laugh. Thank you!
Only one thing I care about here: If you were single, would it have worked? Rethinking my career choices here.
Yes it would have…I think.
Fabulous! I loved it! Keep up the good work. I love the tone of your writing.
Very funny! I am thinking of your family at the table! Ha. k.
Family? What family…my entourage.
I bet he even offered you the 2 for $20 deal and maybe even a Kids Eat Free… those ultra-secret offers only the most elite diners of that fine establishment receive.
LOL yes I forgot to print off my coupon so I showed him the email on my phone. He broke the rules for me. True love.
At least your modest
Your husband must get tired of the competition for your attention!
He does indeed.
Ha, this was nice. I wish I could relate, though. What does it mean when a waiter spills your drink into your plate?
That he wants to bang you in the front!
This is the first post of yours that I’ve read and I’m already hooked…
Awww thanks indy. Happy reading!
Funny stuff, like your style…
Thanks so much!
I have the same problem at restuarants. Young waitresses are always asking if they can “sweeten my tea.”
Thanks for visiting my blog. I look forward to reading more from you.
Thanks Russell
i think he wanted a bigger tip.
LOL indeed.
Too funny! How were the ribs though?
Finger lickin’ good.
Nice, I even felt the tension; not bad for a whore…I mean, a Horror story gone good.
Love your sense of humor and set-up…I like’em Gothic and deliberate.
Hope your All Saints brings you what you want…or what you need – those tricksey conversations with our beloved departed can be a Bitch.
Take care…
thanks jonthany
((hugs))
I like the rounded out tip!
Also that’s what she said.
LOL you beat me to it!
Very cool post, I had a lot of fun reading it! I mean, re-fill, right? It´s just so naughty to ask us publicly if we want some…
Thanks for your comment on my post about that horrendous book and for letting me find your blog.
Thanks for reading mind.
I hope you found the post about that book!
x,
Becca
honey your wordpress link doesn’t work.
Oh, that poor waiter. You just know he spent the rest of the day in agony, pining over the distant beauty that spurned him, even though he offered to refill her water and everything! Becca, you cruel cruel woman.
I am a meany. I don’t care…If I had given into him my entourage would have been upset.
Love it!
Thanks so much! I just was bursting to tell you all.
I’m new to using wordpress so I don’t know how to “like” your post but this was hilarious.
awww thanks love. I don’t have a like button but I am love that you like my post
x,
Becca
Okay, now I’m really worried. One of the door Nazis at Costco always draws a smiley face on my receipt as I’m leaving. So this means he wants to . . . ?
Yep he wants your body and thinks you’re sexy.
they do that to the pretty one didn’t you no?
I didn’t know.