The Lady or Not news team has discovered that there has been a rash of ugly sweaters invading the United States. We fear that the sweaters are targeting newly single men between the ages of 35 and 50. It is sad, but true. I am unsure if it’s that their ex-wives stole all their decent clothing, or cast some sort of magic spell with settings to hideous.
Now first is Rod, sweet Rod. His bicycle built for two rejected him because of his sweater status. I told him that when a shirt/sweater fits properly, the seams should touch your shoulders. His defense was that his soon to be ex-wife’s dead uncle gave it to him. He liked it. Let me give you a little taste of the sweater:
Notice the beautiful doo doo brown color. The shedding threads only make the sweater more appealing to the ladies. He is walking down the road, and the women swoon when they see him in this sweater. He is only allowed to wear it when he has smelling salts in his pocket. I’ll let you in on a little secret ladies: pull on the string and the whole thing unravels. Then you can see his pasty washboard abs. And by washboard, I mean boney.
Jason was here this weekend. He came out in a sweater that I am sure he purchased at a thrift shop. I told him 1980 called and wanted its sweater back. He said that it was his favorite sweater and that I didn’t know what I was talking about. When I posted the picture of he and the sock monkey, I felt vindicated because Stephanie (click her blog here) asked him if Bill Cosby knew he had his sweater. I love that gal, great minds… Then it dawned on me, that is why his favorite song is Thrift Shop.
When I took him out to lunch to meet a girlfriend of mine, he wore that sweater. She later told me he was really nice, but I needed to get him to burn the sweater. He laughed and said, “I like it. Yes the sweater is bad, but I am hot enough to pull it off.” So without further ado:
So I beg of you my dear readers… I implore you… to please ask these well meaning but fashion-challenged men to burn these hideous monstrosities. Thanks.
Lady or Not… Here I Come!