The Lady or Not news team has discovered that there has been a rash of ugly sweaters invading the United States. We fear that the sweaters are targeting newly single men between the ages of 35 and 50. It is sad, but true. I am unsure if it’s that their ex-wives stole all their decent clothing, or cast some sort of magic spell with settings to hideous.
Now first is Rod, sweet Rod. His bicycle built for two rejected him because of his sweater status. I told him that when a shirt/sweater fits properly, the seams should touch your shoulders. His defense was that his soon to be ex-wife’s dead uncle gave it to him. He liked it. Let me give you a little taste of the sweater:
I got you babe
Notice the beautiful doo doo brown color. The shedding threads only make the sweater more appealing to the ladies. He is walking down the road, and the women swoon when they see him in this sweater. He is only allowed to wear it when he has smelling salts in his pocket. I’ll let you in on a little secret ladies: pull on the string and the whole thing unravels. Then you can see his pasty washboard abs. And by washboard, I mean boney. 
Jason was here this weekend. He came out in a sweater that I am sure he purchased at a thrift shop. I told him 1980 called and wanted its sweater back. He said that it was his favorite sweater and that I didn’t know what I was talking about. When I posted the picture of he and the sock monkey, I felt vindicated because Stephanie (click her blog here) asked him if Bill Cosby knew he had his sweater. I love that gal, great minds… Then it dawned on me, that is why his favorite song is Thrift Shop.
When I took him out to lunch to meet a girlfriend of mine, he wore that sweater. She later told me he was really nice, but I needed to get him to burn the sweater. He laughed and said, “I like it. Yes the sweater is bad, but I am hot enough to pull it off.” So without further ado:
I’m too sexy for my sweater
So I beg of you my dear readers… I implore you… to please ask these well meaning but fashion-challenged men to burn these hideous monstrosities. Thanks.
x,
Becca
Lady or Not… Here I Come!
Summer Christmas, Down Under. where no ugly sweaters are given as a present, worn in public, or even sold in shops.
I shall make an effort to ensure they are all gone by winter.
Smart man. I think I need to move there.
The more the merrier.
No guy is dumped because of a sweater he likes. He’s saved. He’ll be more comfortable with the sweater than the lady.
The problem isn’t being dumped with the sweater. The problem is not being able to get a date.
Is “What Not To Wear” still an active series? One quick phone call could be just what the doctor ordered, lol.
LOL Oh that is a great idea.
Have either thought about donating their sweaters to their local animal shelters? I ask because both look like they have been at the mercy of my cat who loves a good sweater shred
And my guess is, where there is one bad sweater, there are more. Animals don’t care about something like color either so there isn’t any worry about further offense. Animals just want something to curl-up in or rip to pieces… maybe to pee on once in a while. You know, kinda like guys.
Who knows, they might even meet a cute woman when they go to make the donation
Ohhh great idea. I have decided you’re a natural match maker. Sweaters and animals are all the rage for the ladies.
I hope my dad will read this and learn…
Dear Dad,
Please burn your sweaters.
Thanks
You always putting your humans to shame lol
Buy I agree, he should burn it and if he doesn’t you could eat it.
…. hope I need no castor oil after this meal….it’s a frog-sweater…they could jumping around in my 7 stomachs ;o)
Grow a beard, and women won’t be able to resist. Doesn’t matter how awesome,y bad a sweater is.
Hmmm I don’t know… some sweaters even beards can fix, Paul.
At least the sweaters aren’t knit from genuine cat hair. I mean, look on the bright side.
Or worse yet, Human hair.
I guess we should be grateful that they are only ugly.
Indeed.
This is why Sweaters aren’t allowed in my house. They never look good. Unless there made out of cashmere.
I love the feel of cashmere. I like sweaters, but they are just better on women. Isn’t everything?
That’s because Women are better.
for wearing clothing. We seem to fill things out much more. 
which make it look better.
so please explain why fashion models look like tall little boys?
I duno….I always ask the same thing. Maybe fashion designers or publications are scared of women with hips and boobs??
They would scream in horror at me.
Me too. Or maybe their jealous of us and our womanly bodies.
LOL I bet. I love my body.
I usually do to.
Good. I wish more woman would.
It’s hard to get to that point. I wish more women felt like that too.
I love how you harass me, but only Because you are you
But I can’t give it up yet. I’m going to continue wearing the Ugly Sweater… with the black jeans to match. 
I am me and I am the kinda of gal that ties your shoe and then tells everyone you can’t do it yourself.
Ewww black jeans…
Sorry Jason. . .doesn’t matter how cute you are, not even if you had about 10 boxes of Jello Pudding Pops, could you do sexy in that sweater!! The exception might be if you were wearing it with the kilt, but black jeans?? They still make those things? You could do a little pair of turquoise skinny jeans maybe. hahaha
hahaha
I am morally opposed to sweaters in general. Seems really crass of us humans to strip a poor animal bare just so we can be itchily warmer. I consider that just plain rude. That said though, I have to admit as that I must stick by the choices of the poor souls above. It you MUST wear a sweater … at least stand out doing it!
LOL Bill Cosby sweater wearers unite! LMAO At least you agree people shouldn’t wear them.
…does Freddy’s sweater count? ::awful attempt at sad, puppy eyes::
No… Freddy’s sweater is the one exception.
You’re the best, Becca! ::puts away puppy::
LOL No you’re the best snoopy woopi
I got a lifelong aversion to sweaters from the few times I watched Mr. Rogers when I was a kid. Burn them all!
He was the Barney of Yesteryear.
Men and sweaters are a dangerous combination. My husband is only allowed two, and both had to meet my approval. In fact, I bought them. Simple, v-neck Banana Republic thin merino wool sweaters with a crew underneath. That is simply all that’s allowed in my home. There will be absolutely no men in cardigans in my house. I’m sorry if that sounds sexist. Well, actually, I’m not…
Don’t be sorry, if your husband was better with fashion, you would let him help but he isn’t. Every man that walks through my doors gets a makeover if he is willing.
My husband has absolutely no interest in buying clothes. Sadly, neither do I. But at least I know what should or shouldn’t be worn by him. At least I think I do…
Hahaha! My PTK chapter had an Ugly Sweater party last Christmas. Rod and Jason would have totally gotten the awards for ugliest sweater
See, it isn’t just me
Yeah!!
Hey that sweater’s ‘nowt’ (Yorkshire phrase meaning nothing) compared to the one a guy brought in to work yesterday which his kids had bought him. He reckons to be a bit of a tough guy and they’d bought him a jumper with a huge reindeer face on the front and some socks in red and bright blue with reindeer faces on too! We all nearly wet ourselves laughing at him!
Actually, seeing as he got divorced last Christmas and the kids are living with Mum, I’m not too sure his ex-wife didn’t buy them just to piss him off!
hahah good for her!
Exactly what I thought as he was a total pig to her and I’ve no idea how she put up with him for 10 years!
I don’t particularly like the sweaters either but they’re not that bad.
LOL shhh
The offending sweaters definitely need some updating. Or just to be taken out and burned in a barrel. My dad used to have one in our backyard. I’ll have to ask if it’s still around.
LOL we should have a lady or not sweater burning day.
Know way to get a date, Good news is next show 4o year old virgin you could be the star
ohhh you make a great point.
All these years, I’ve enjoyed my sweaters without really dwelling on the name itself, and now you’ve gone and ruined that. SWEAT-er. Yuck.
I didn’t think the sweaters were that bad…now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go order my husband some pastel polyester pants.
lol take pictures for me, so I can post about him.
Whew! I’m not between 35 and 50. I don’t wear sweaters anyway.
YAY!
hahaa
They have a “National Day….” for everything. We would do these men a justice by proclaimiing a “National Burn Your Ugly Sweater” Day!! Women would come flocking!!!
Ohh you should start one!
Pingback: Anti-fashionists « System Humanity