Burn Baby Burn

The Lady or Not news team has discovered that there has been a rash of ugly sweaters invading the United States.  We fear that the sweaters are targeting newly single men between the ages of 35 and 50.  It is sad, but true.  I am unsure if it’s that their ex-wives stole all their decent clothing, or cast some sort of magic spell with settings to hideous.

Now first is Rod, sweet Rod.  His bicycle built for two rejected him because of his sweater status.   I told him that when a shirt/sweater fits properly, the seams should touch your shoulders.  His defense was that his soon to be ex-wife’s dead uncle gave it to him.  He liked it.  Let me give you a little taste of the sweater:

rattysweater1 zps29efb1fc Burn Baby Burn

I got you babe

Notice the beautiful doo doo brown color. The shedding threads only make the sweater more appealing to the ladies.  He is walking down the road, and the women swoon when they see him in this sweater. He is only allowed to wear it when he has smelling salts in his pocket.  I’ll let you in on a little secret ladies: pull on the string and the whole thing unravels.  Then you can see his pasty washboard abs.  And by washboard, I mean boney. icon wink Burn Baby Burn

Jason was here this weekend.  He came out in a sweater that I am sure he purchased at a thrift shop.  I told him 1980 called and wanted its sweater back.  He said that it was his favorite sweater and that I didn’t know what I was talking about.  When I posted the picture of he and the sock monkey, I felt vindicated because Stephanie (click her blog here) asked him if Bill Cosby knew he had his sweater.  I love that gal, great minds… Then it dawned on me, that is why his favorite song is Thrift Shop.

When I took him out to lunch to meet a girlfriend of mine, he wore that sweater. She later told me he was really nice, but I needed to get him to burn the sweater. He laughed and said, “I like it.  Yes the sweater is bad, but I am hot enough to pull it off.” So without further ado:

8357050966 b0c31e4de4 Burn Baby Burn

I’m too sexy for my sweater


So I beg of you my dear readers… I implore you… to please ask these well meaning but fashion-challenged men to burn these hideous monstrosities.  Thanks.



Lady or Not… Here I Come!




Burn Baby Burn — 66 Comments

  1. Have either thought about donating their sweaters to their local animal shelters? I ask because both look like they have been at the mercy of my cat who loves a good sweater shred :-) And my guess is, where there is one bad sweater, there are more. Animals don’t care about something like color either so there isn’t any worry about further offense. Animals just want something to curl-up in or rip to pieces… maybe to pee on once in a while. You know, kinda like guys.

    Who knows, they might even meet a cute woman when they go to make the donation ;-)

  2. I am morally opposed to sweaters in general. Seems really crass of us humans to strip a poor animal bare just so we can be itchily warmer. I consider that just plain rude. That said though, I have to admit as that I must stick by the choices of the poor souls above. It you MUST wear a sweater … at least stand out doing it!

  3. Men and sweaters are a dangerous combination. My husband is only allowed two, and both had to meet my approval. In fact, I bought them. Simple, v-neck Banana Republic thin merino wool sweaters with a crew underneath. That is simply all that’s allowed in my home. There will be absolutely no men in cardigans in my house. I’m sorry if that sounds sexist. Well, actually, I’m not… ;)

    • Don’t be sorry, if your husband was better with fashion, you would let him help but he isn’t. Every man that walks through my doors gets a makeover if he is willing.

  4. Hey that sweater’s ‘nowt’ (Yorkshire phrase meaning nothing) compared to the one a guy brought in to work yesterday which his kids had bought him. He reckons to be a bit of a tough guy and they’d bought him a jumper with a huge reindeer face on the front and some socks in red and bright blue with reindeer faces on too! We all nearly wet ourselves laughing at him! ;-)

    Actually, seeing as he got divorced last Christmas and the kids are living with Mum, I’m not too sure his ex-wife didn’t buy them just to piss him off!

  5. All these years, I’ve enjoyed my sweaters without really dwelling on the name itself, and now you’ve gone and ruined that. SWEAT-er. Yuck.

  6. Pingback: Anti-fashionists « System Humanity

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