We are joined at the hip, even though yours are smaller than mine; I still adore ya. This means that although we will have our good times and our bad times, we will never light the fuses on each other’s tampons. That is what true friendship is about.
Girlfriends like us are rare. No one else has held hands with you while you peed because you were afraid you were pregnant. Of course, then later I pushed you into the toilet. Remember that time I put spinach in my teeth to be funny, because someone was trying to point out that you had it in your teeth? It was even funnier when we told that Drama Queen (DQ) that we were really worried about her botched boob job. We only told her because, bless her heart, we were concerned for her health.
There is nothing like a real girlfriend that tells you that your ass does look big in the jeans before you buy them. Later we laughed hysterically when DQ told us how expensive her outfit was– not cheap like ours. Of course, we told her she looked great! We failed to mention she had her panties tucked into her skirt. We now have the nickname “Dairy Queen” for her so she won’t know when we are talking about her.
You know that I love you like a pig loves bacon; I love you like a hemorrhoid, because you’re a part of me. I look forward to the day when we are old and our children have grown. We will sit on the front porch drinking sweet tea and scratching our coochies. If you fall out of your chair laughing, I will help you up. I might laugh at you first, but eventually I will… I promise.
Lady or Not… Here I Come!