Dear Girlfriends,
We are joined at the hip, even though yours are smaller than mine; I still adore ya. This means that although we will have our good times and our bad times, we will never light the fuses on each other’s tampons. That is what true friendship is about.
Girlfriends like us are rare. No one else has held hands with you while you peed because you were afraid you were pregnant. Of course, then later I pushed you into the toilet. Remember that time I put spinach in my teeth to be funny, because someone was trying to point out that you had it in your teeth? It was even funnier when we told that Drama Queen (DQ) that we were really worried about her botched boob job. We only told her because, bless her heart, we were concerned for her health.
There is nothing like a real girlfriend that tells you that your ass does look big in the jeans before you buy them. Later we laughed hysterically when DQ told us how expensive her outfit was– not cheap like ours. Of course, we told her she looked great! We failed to mention she had her panties tucked into her skirt. We now have the nickname “Dairy Queen” for her so she won’t know when we are talking about her.
You know that I love you like a pig loves bacon; I love you like a hemorrhoid, because you’re a part of me. I look forward to the day when we are old and our children have grown. We will sit on the front porch drinking sweet tea and scratching our coochies. If you fall out of your chair laughing, I will help you up. I might laugh at you first, but eventually I will… I promise.
x,
Becca
Lady or Not… Here I Come!
Becca, I shared this on my FB…I just love you! Hopefully some of my besties can love you, too.
Thanks so much Amanda. ((Hugs)) It means a ton that you enjoyed it enough to share it.
what happens when you light a fuse on a tampon? Does hilarity or regret follow?
Hilarity to one, regret to the other.
Oh Becca, you are the sweetest! Can we start scratching our coochies right now? *coochie scratch*
ahhh that feels so much better.
That’s true friendship – brilliant post…dairy queen…BOL
What does BOL stand for? Thanks, I had fun with it. One of my girlfriends say the sitting on the porch coochie thing all the time. Silliness.
bust out laughing ;o)
Oh I like it!
*High-five, fist-bump, Woot-woot!* “Dairy Queen’s been at the almond fudge marshmallow ripple… you know what that means.”
LOL I do
Thanks for being part of the inspiration for this.
Aw, always aim to please
What a nice friendship.
Run bitch, run!
LOL we can be quite the silly ones. I remember this one time my girlfriend and I went out. We returned and there was a giant opossum right in front of my door. It had big snarly fangs and I didn’t want to get out of the car. We started giggle fits because she wanted me to go in. I didn’t want to. She started fussing at me because he wasn’t budging. We were laughing so hard we were afraid we would wet ourselves. I called animal control with my cell and they just laughed at me. She popped out of the car with her umbrella started opening and closing it while yelling at me to run bitch run. I still laugh about that night.
You… you wait ’til you’re old to scratch your cootchie? Some gals couldn’t wait ’til they came home from school to do that. ::drumroll:: And the concept of tampons with fuses is horrifying and intriguing.
poor gals will get trigger finger.
Or bike rides on bumpy roads. You gals and your imaginations.
always thinking.
You are so awesomer than I am…yes I know that’s not a word, but it should be… because you are the awesomest of ‘em all.
lol
I am pretty awesome, thanks for noticing.
I think you are pretty cool yourself.
I definitely know you’re the awesomest
Can’t stop laughing at “scratching coochies”
My girlfriend and I really say that.
i think your resonsable for me laughing so hard i spit my coffee every were. good one
Thanks
I love to make you laugh.
Best girlfriends are the best,,,I remember having to clean up a whole woman’s bathroom at a wedding because my bf,,,got sooo hammered with red wine that she puked all over the washroom, and it was a legion kind of place so we were responsible for the clean up. I wasn’t mad at all, cause that’s what we do.
We also have BIG plans to have matching “pimped” out scooters,,,,I guess we could have some lemonade in the cup holders and scratch the ‘ol cooch with the other hand!
Exactly! That is true friendship.
Love your work Becca. However, I am ready and waiting with the lighter because frankly, we just aren’t that close. Any time you want to drink Long Island Iced Tea until you vomit, dance on the table, hide under the same table calling ex-boyfriends and then declare undying love – then I’m your girl and will put the lighter away.
I thought we were BFFs now I go cry.
No tears – let’s just drink tequila and forget what a nasty bitch I am. You can draw a mustache on my face while I fall into a drunken coma and when I wake we will make use of those belly dancing lessons we’ve been taking on line. BFF now and ever!
LOL Sounds like a plan BFF
HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!
I am glad you laughed.
Although the thought of lighting tampon fuses made me cringe.
LOL I could see that. Well no one said it had to be being used.
I just ’bout spewed my drink when I read “joined at the hip, even though yours are smaller than mine.” Love your blog!
Thanks. I love to make ya laugh. I enjoy reading though your blog as well.
I broke down and cried over this one…it brought back memories of the night I stood watch
outside the men’s room while my bestie avoided the line to the little girls room by dashing in to hover over the urinal. Unfortunately I got flustered and forgot the code word for “someone’s coming”. I miss the hell out of her.
LOL I love it. I think you should write a poem about that. I besties are the best.
You almost make me want to be a girl. Guys scratch themselves aplenty, but it’s not kosher to be sitting on the porch together fingernailing the junk to satisfaction.
LMAO what? Men do it for a lifetime.
“sitting on the porch together fingernailing the junk to satisfaction.”
Fingernailing it? Not cupping, tugging or shifting but fingernailing… gawd I love that! A new urban definition for the Leila Lexicon
Well I use nails a lot– it itches down there.
‘We will never light the fuses on each other’s tampons’ — why can’t I come up with stuff like this — brilliant — hahaha!
You are brilliant too. Thanks so much!
Yep … there’s nothing better than good friends. Well said, as always!
((Hugs)) thanks
So love this. You are brilliant & hysterical in the best way possible!
Thanks love… hysterically brilliant, yep that is how I define myself. As you’re a Rebecca too, spelled the correct way, we understand one another.
Ay, now that’s true friendship. I mean, you could go the extra mile and have her wait so you can get your camera and take a photo of how she has fallen from grace to the porch, but you can only ask for so much. Nice.
I am very kind to my friends. If I get a photo I only use it for blackmail.
True friends laugh at each other, no matter what XD
Always. I found a long time ago that if you can’t laugh at each other your doomed to be a friend for a moment.
That’s why underwear is not worn beneath a kilt
And that is why women love kilts.
hahahaa geesh I was wondering
Easy access and all that jazz.
mhm, very true lol
I’ve always wondered what the Black Cat corporation does in the winter when fireworks aren’t in high demand. Now I know: they make tampons.
This is so sweet and funny at the same. I am gonna share it on my facebook. I love it!
Aww thanks. I love when you share. ((Hugs))
I think that you have a wicked sense of humor! I know your friends understand it! I would never get away with it… they have the mistaken impression that I am sometimes not so nice!
I don’t know why… you’re a charmer for sure. Yes people that know me know that I am funny and blunt. It’s a part of me.
ROTFLMFAO….Thanks…I NEEDED this today…
xx
Sooz
I am glad. (((Hugs)))
Does that mean I can be an honorary female…like I was in my early days as a Home Health Aide?
My mother-in-law used to say…she’s gone, now…”I love you like my liver, but if I find you by the river I’ll surely throw you in!” Cindy Lauper all over again—you girl’s just having fun! Thanks for visiting my place!
You sure can be! Sounds like you’re a hoot!
What does that passage in the Book of Job(e)…I’d heard things but the reality is far beyond anything I imagined…(very LOOSE paraphrase)? A guys’ locker room has nothing on you gals! Sure glad you are all friends!!!!
Yes, I am blessed with friends and family. Thanks for your wonderful comments.
hahahahaha very funny and nice post. i like your blog a lot dear.
Thanks so much. I hope to see you around here more often.
This is a really nice post, Becca — humor and sentimentality CAN go together!
Thanks so much. I am a bit mushy.
this post made me miss my girl friends…when they do fall, before I give them my hand…i laugh at them first and sometimes i even pretend that i don’t know them…haha! and we’d all burst out laughing…
LOL Real girlfriends can do that.
I hope you see them soon.
So sweet!