Death by Neti-pot

This is cold, flu, and allergy season (Groan, Becca is actually talking about this crap).  No one likes to deal with the ugly, snotty mess of people that comes with this time of year.  Everyone acts as though their lack of health is new, and they could possibly be dying.

I have a friend that is currently in the throes of sinus issues.  There is nothing more fun than hearing the snorting and heavy breathing that comes with a cold. At first, I thought he was coming on to me.  I said, “Back off bucco, I am flattered but spoken for.” Then he told me that he couldn’t breathe, and to give him a break. We all know he was just using it as an excuse to heavy breathe into the phone.

 Death by Neti pot

Sexy and I know it!

He had called because he wanted to know how to use the Neti-pot.  I am a huge proponent of the device.  It is a genie bottle that you fill with saline to wash out the nasty Gremlins that have made so many boogers they are backlogged.

I told him I was concerned about him using it, and he laughed.  I told him the reason I had not suggested it was… well I was afraid he would die.

Him: What?!

Me: Well… You’re a bit clumsy.

Him: What does that have to do with the Neti-pot?

Me: (whispers) I’m afraid you’re going to drown.

Him: What the hell?!

Me: You can’t walk and chew gum. How the heck are you going to pour water into your sinus cavities without breathing in? I have a vision of you pouring the solution into your nose and dying because you take it into your lungs. Then I would feel responsible at your funeral. Everyone would be pointing at me and blaming me.  They would think that I should have known better.

will Death by Neti potHim: They might thank you.

Me: Of course they would.  Especially those listed in your will.

Him:  Wait.  Didn’t you tell me your hypothetical spawn have been using a Neti-pot since the age of three?

Me: Yes, but they are different than you.  I tell them not to breathe through their nose and they don’t.  You, on the other hand, like to make points and end up hurting yourself.

Him: That isn’t fair.  I only do that with my ex-wife, and mom, and boss… oh, you might have a point.

Me: Tell you what, say your goodbyes.  Make sure to list your never professed undying love, and where you stashed your family treasures. Then I will allow you to use the device.

Him: Okay, okay.  My family treasures are hidden in my love for you.  Now how the hell do I use this thing?

Me: You bend over and have a friend pour it into your bum.

Him: (Sigh) I am never going to get a straight answer am I?

Me: Umm… Hi, I am Becca.  It is a pleasure to meet you.

Him: Okay, let me consult YouTube.

So let this be a lesson to you: I won’t help you unless I know that I get something when you die.

 

x,

Becca

Lady or Not… Here I Come!

 


Comments

Death by Neti-pot — 148 Comments

  1. What kind of kickback to you get from the Neti-Pot people? You’re a NPP.

    And that woman is obviosly pouring cream into her nose.

  2. I love my neti pot :) I was faced with the same problem with Gooseyboy though. I told him to read the damn package though, “if you drown, you die and I AM a rich woman”. He set the pot down and walked away. Hasn’t tried to use it since.

    Does that make me a mean person?

  3. Just as Peter Parker always gets photos of Spider-Man… An extremely reliable source has informed me that said friend did in fact survive his virginal Neti-Pot experience. He must be really clumsy indeed!

  4. What’s funny is that I have an aunt who won’t use a neti-pot because she is convinced that you CAN die from them. This is due to the ONE guy she heard of who had parasites in his water and complications arose from that. I’d say it was the parasites and not the pot, but hten, I’m reasonable. THe death by neti-pot described above sounds much more likely…LOL!

  5. I hope that you are having a fun evening Becca
    and offering that poor soul a tissue in between all
    the sneezing fits…

    That jug looks kind of odd stuck up her nose like
    that but hey someone has to do it :) Have a funky
    Friday and be good :) Naughty good is best :) lol

    Geoff xxx

  6. I think I just caught the flu reading about everyone with the flu. It’s a computer virus….yeah that one is bad. I don’t have a neti pot sweetheart, what are you going to do about it? :)

  7. Okay okay Becca, I laughed until my eyes hurt, and that was just duckie seein how I already had the sinus infection. Thanks for taking me there. Take care, Bill

  8. Ahahaha! I’ve always wondered about the drowning hazard with the neti pot :) I wouldn’t drown because I’m clumsy, I’d drown because I’m neurotic. It would be an hysterical drowning.

  9. Cracks me up! Personally, I love the Neti-pot, but my husband sounds like he’s screaming underwater when he uses one…I guess it’s not for everyone. Thanks for the laugh – and for stopping by my little blog.

  10. Irrigating your sinuses is anyway a very good idea as it helps to take away mucous and harmful germs and bacteria from your nose. Please do not stop doing it because of neti pot death rumors. You can’t deny that it’s considerably cheaper than purchasing and taking nasal steroids.

  11. Irrigating your sinuses is anyway a very good idea as it helps to take away mucous and harmful germs and bacteria from your nose. Please do not stop doing it because of neti pot death rumors. You can’t deny that it’s considerably cheaper than purchasing and taking nasal steroids.

  12. I love going back to blogs that I didn’t catch or didn’t have time to write a comment! The picture and your comments were great! I guess I am glad I wasn’t drinking a cola or it might have been coming out my nose, ouch!

  13. Let’s see: Folks punch holes in themselves to display jewelry, in ears, noses and…other parts. They pay to have dye jabbed into their skins with needles and they voluntarily sit on folded-up legs, inviting gangrene. They soak themselves in tobacco smoke, booze and drugs while using cell phones driving through traffic. For such a species, the Neti-Pot (the designation should be warning enough) seems small beer, not even ranking with swimming in shark-infested waters while bleeding out of multiple orifices…

    But it does give a whole new life to the aged advice to: “Keep your nose clean!”

      • Tapwater is an experience all its own~~depending on what’s in it (like an overload of chlorine or fluoride or…whatever substances they put into it and/or pour it through to render it officially “potable”) one experience is all one needs to use boiled or sterile–sterile, not bottled drinking water–because it burns like a soab!

  14. Your neti-pot sounds likt the contraption we use over here to suck the snot out of babies’ noses. Like a pump in reverse. They hate the thing. It must feel as if their brains are being sucked out through their nose.

  15. Well my friend, I tried your genie lamp once and my roommate decided to do stand-up comedy along with some slapstick stupidity, which led to my almost inhaling the entire pot along with the Gremlins.

    Feel free to stop giggling ANY time now.

  16. I use Neilmed sinus rinse. It’s like using a Neti Pot, but a little less dangerous for those of us who are allergic to gravity, or walk into walls on a regular basis. You just open and pour the pre-measured powder into the squeeze bottle and fill it with warm water. Then, rinse away! I’m a total believer.

  17. This was so funny. George Carlin Caliber! You could be a stand up comic my dear! Have I already told you that? lol.
    This reminds me of the warning on my last hair dryer…. Do NOT use when sleeping!!!
    Why not?? It would save so much time when I was awake! ;)

  18. Ha ha. Great post. Never had the nerve to try one of those things myself…it’s along the same lines as those ear wax remover thing-a-ma-jigs. Grosses me out but never say never right?! :)

  19. Can’t say as I have ever heard of a ‘Neti-Pot’ so I’ll take your word for it. Hilarious post though – as always :) Thanks also for liking my recent post thanking my first 100 – so happy to have you as one of them :) Take care and keep us laughing!!

Oh you know you want to give verbal ejaculation a try. Spit it out!