My actual screenshot from yesterday.
Did you know that when you own your own website, and/or when you use WordPress, you receive stats on how people find your site through search engines? That’s right. Ideas for a post today escaped me, so I’m doing what every other blogger does in this situation: the standard search engine term post. I have had this site for one month and already Google, Yahoo, Bing, and Ask think I am a porn site. Today I am going to hit on the freakiest of searches.
The first one to catch my attention was a hit from yesterday; it is what inspired this post. If you’re searching for My daughter uses my dildo, you’re all sorts of messed up. Now I am not sure which one of you perverts lets your daughter use your dildo, but gross! Really, hide that thing! I don’t recommend sharing dildos, as you can pass infections. I am assuming the reasons for the hits are posts such as, A New Pet, WTF Friday #1, Breadstick Abuse, and Crappy Ass Men.
Gives new meaning to Swiper no Swiping. “oh man!”
A alarming amount of you are obsessed with Dora the Explorer’s Butt. I have had, I kid you not, 18 hits on her butt alone. Dora’s butt, Dora’s big butt sex adventure, and Dora the Explorer naked pop up almost daily on my searches. I am sure it was my post Dora’s Big Butt Adventure that made you crazy people find me.
This brings me to those 6 of you looking for Hot Camel Toes in Pajamas. Are you kidding me? Just take off her pajamas and do her. Today, I had 2 hits for 3D camel toe alone. What the heck do you need that for? 2 of you were looking for Olympic camel toe. I am wondering if you need an atomic wedge to win the gold on that one. And the one pedophile looking for very young camel toe…you’re sick, get help. I know this is from my WTF Friday #2 where I was poking fun at the camel toe shields. How can this be sexy? Guys did you know camel toe isn’t even what you think it is? Tight pants just smush the fat down there to make it look like something it’s not.
There is a whole list of them:
itty bitty workout outfits buff bitties workout clothes
pictures of yoga pants worn by women with no underwear
best lot of weed lying to my dad
my dad thinks I am a liar sarah belleli nude
parents humiliating children working out porn
chinese long eyebrows last dildos
lady and not her son—-(I say, grrrr on this one)
sarah ann belleli plastic surgery lady grey
shades of grey all the naughty parts russian having fun
giada de laurentiis situation sex
hot russian pornstar
So now I know that Google thinks that I am a porn website dedicated to fetishes such as camel toed Russian women, Dora the Explorer’s butt, working out without underwear, and whoever Sarah Belleli is, naked. Apparently, I sell vibrators and weed. I also teach children to lie to their dads while being humiliated by Chinese men with long eyebrows.
In conclusion . . . I don’t know what to say about this world, but it’s a very scary place.
Thanks for the excellent tips on popular tags. Will apply them immediately.
You are very welcome. Hope Dora’s butt helps you out too.
Clearly, I am not doing enough to get the much coveted pervert audience. Will have to work that in somehow….
You can always do what the comment-er below suggested, just use my tags. Interesting enough, I didn’t use those as my my tags until today.
Well, this post will contribute to lock you in as a popular destination. I have to admit I don’t know some of the terms (I must be pure of heart), but there’s no way I’m doing a search on them lest Google permanently flags me as a freak.
You’re a smart cookie. You don’t want Google looking down in shame on you as it does me.
Ah search engine terms, they sure scare me. My top 5 lead to one post – ‘Robin Superhero’, ‘Wolverine Gay’, ‘Wolverine and Cyclops Gay’… you get the theme. It seems comic book fans are obsessed with their heroes being gay. It does scare me what Google thinks of my blog, but at least it doesn’t (to my knowledge) assume I’m an Olympic camel toe obsessed sex site
Yes, no matter how you turn it, my site is judged more by google.
You need to do an ambiguously gay duo post.
I don’t get as many of these strange search engine terms anymore as I used to. Maybe I don’t have as much smut like you up there anymore? Some are genuinely disturbing. I think the worst part is people actually think our blogs will have the answer.
I think my favorite thing about this post is you have welcomed them all to use Google and find this page very simply by putting these search engine terms all in one place.
I know. I was discussing that with my friend who edits my work. We were laughing that now we have created a search term circle.
The labels you use for this post is just going to empower the Google-search-engine Gods, and hopefully fuel you with enough inspiration to do another one of these posts at a later date. Thanks for the laugh, as usual.
Thanks Karen. I do have fun writing these things.
*shudder*
Your post will be adding to the list.
Dora’s Butt…Classic search engine..That’s how I found you. Hehehehe…
I knew it was you Sue!
I think you should combine all these topics into one post to get it out of your system.
And make the internet explode.
I think I just did.
A scary place, indeed. The dildo thing…that’s 50 shades of GROSS! Not just the infection thing, but that’s your mom, how could anyone want to share anything like that with their MOM?! What comforts me though, is most of those searches are from people who don’t have blogs. They’re just googling and bam, your site comes up.
I know….gross people. Bloggers are cool unlike crazy searchers.
I am seriously scared. I really don’t know what to say to all that. It is funny.
Isn’t it scary? Funny what site owners can find out.
OK-this is really funny! I did see a pic of a Forever 21 Cameltoe on the WTForever21 site-Hilarious! And teenagers using dildos-well, at least they won’t dump them the next day, call them a slut, give them an STD, get tehm preggers, etc. LOL
You have a point. Just don’t share them with your mom.
Haha. I have a lot of fun looking at the search terms for my blog. I can’t believe that every time I search for “pictures of yoga pants worn by women with no underwear,” I always get your site.
I knew that was you!
Lol. I wanted to see who Sarah Belleli is so I did a Google search for her name and look what I found as one of the top search results:
http://girlsinyogapants.com/2012/titty-tuesday-featuring-sarah-belleli/
ahh that explains things. She was the one in my Ladies of the Gym post.
Hahaha! “Situation sex” .. that sounds like some type of high-end porno! Hahahaha.
Great post!
Thanks…or low end sex. Isn’t that guy from the Jersey shore called the Situation?
Some of these sound like titles to Jerry Springer/Maury episodes.
I think so! But you know I do searches for my wtf Fridays and I don’t know what is showing up on peoples pages. I really shouldn’t talk.
LOL
That’s so wrong…
I know. Freaky people
No wonder you’re getting so much traffic
I’ll be happy if my site’s most “questionable” search term remains “Rebecca Black.”
Yes, well I wish you luck with that one.
Whoah…this is just a reminder that there are a lot of creeps out there and they have free reign online. Blech!
Very scary huh?
This must be why my post entitled “The Nerd Factory vs. Those Sassy Amish” did not see a lot of traffic.
http://peachyteachy.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=328&action=edit
At least I did not need a Silkwood shower after reading my search terms. . .
you link is an edit link though your inbox. Could you get the regular link? I want to read.
Where is your like button
My searches are very dull in comparison to yours
LOL Thanks. Because this is wordpress.org instead of .com I don’t have a like button like you do. You can like me on facebook.
Thank you though. Yesterday there was one for an infection in a hang nail on the toe. How someone found me like that, I have no idea.
Well I used to have a serious pain in the butt because these perverts looked me up for all the wrong reasons. Now I’m much happier since it’s not as hard core as it was. Viagra and belly dancers. I’m not complaining
Wow Becca, color me stupid but I havn’t found anything on your site to be pornographic….Humerous ? Oh Hell Ya!! That’s what keeps me coming back. I guess some people just automatically have there minds in the gutter. And by the way, I watched the Dora movie trailer…..Definetely a Must NOT See!!!
LOL thanks about that. Some think I am a pervert but I am not. I just enjoy of having fun. To each their own.
x,
Becca
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Several years ago, I was at a good friend’s house, drinking a beer and playing Halo. He was idly browsing the web on his laptop when, very suddenly, he looked at me and said, “Man, porn got weird.” Truer words were never spoken.
LOL indeed.