Men like to think they’re more enlightened these days. Once upon a time, it was all “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” and the ladies were supposed to lie there and think of England. Now, any man with a clue will try to make sure the lady enjoys the experience as much as he does. It’s still selfish– the surest way you’ll get to do it with her again is to make sure she enjoyed it.

Not her orgasm.

But my bros tell me they feel pressured to make sure she gets her orgasm first.   Then they can just plunge in and have their way. This obsession concerns me. When anything in sex becomes an obligation, it’s no longer fun. So I say to them, “Dude, her orgasm is not like brussel sprouts.” It’s not something unpleasant to get out of the way so you can dive in to your steak.

So, I decided to do a little research on the subject, to find out what other advice men are being given when it comes to pleasuring women. I came across “10 Lessons About the Female Orgasm,” by one Debby Herbenick, Ph.D, on the Men’s Health magazine site. I’m not a Ph.D. (though Becca is), but I thought I could give you a quick review of this article.  Instead of spending your time reading, you can spend it getting down.

1. Take her off the clock & 10. Let her finish first: Weird to combine the beginning and the end of the list, I know, but no wonder us guys are confused. So now, Dr. Debby, you’re telling us we DO need to get her there first, but at the same time we should give her all night to do so if necessary. Meanwhile, you stay in some kind of eternal holding pattern, like a plane circling for hours before it can land. Now I really know why Viagra is so popular. Just remember, ladies, that if you take over four hours, we have to contact our physicians immediately.

2. Turn her on with your talent: You never know, your expertise at trapping farts in jars could be just what it takes to get her all worked up.

3. When she’s naked, speak up: But your first words shouldn’t be “Can we turn off the lights?”

4. Always be tender up top: This one refers to breast play. Those blessed with huge tracts of land would prefer that you explore the scenery along the perimeter highway instead of going straight downtown and parking– this applies to her other major zone, as well, fellows.

5. Learn her key strokes: I didn’t know this was about cybersex? 

6. Change your angle: I’m all for believing nerds make better lovers, but treating intercourse like a geometry problem, or lining up a pool shot, is probably not your best approach. (Unless you’re a math teacher, maybe).

7. Use moves that multitask: What stupid advice, since men are notorious single-taskers, and there’s probably no time that they’re more single-minded.

In case you’re still unclear– no color required.

8. Learn to sense her orgasm: This one includes the useful suggestion that your tongue should be an explorer but not a probe. But then it says you should watch for “subtle deepening of color” that indicates increased blood flow to target areas, so you know she’s close. First of all, I can’t imagine how much light you must need to see that. Second, are you supposed to keep a color wheel nearby for reference? “Ah, she’s gone from pink to rose. Maybe mauve now, I think she’s close!”

9. Follow her lead: Basically a reminder to KISS. Once you find something that’s working, don’t stop and try something else. You can make hundreds of delicate brushstrokes, or you can throw some paint on the canvas and call it good; but you can’t do both, and either way, you’ve still achieved art.

In conclusion, true passion should always achieve maximum mutual fulfillment. Just remember, though, it’s sex, not a space-shuttle launch.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story… 

~Jason