We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast of Lady or Not…Here I Come for this very important message:
In the past few months, stores around the nation have reportedly observed increasingly unusual behavior from their patrons. Reports of underdressed consumers has spread fear throughout the retail industry: a fear that is rapidly turning into full-blown terror. Many store owners and managers expressed anxiety as realization of this invasion sank in. They have coined the term “Bed People” to describe this bizarre new phenomenon.
Such displays of comfort in public places hasn’t been seen since the skin people, aka nudists, invaded in the 1970s. We are receiving accounts from all over the world that the Bed People are uniformed in fuzzy slippers, bathrobes, and pajamas. Be warned, this invasion carries an infectious quality.
According to an anonymous source, some stores are Target-ing the Bed People. Wal-Mart is actually encouraging these aliens to shop there regularly. This business practice has emboldened the Bed People to Target all retail businesses, thereby infecting even more of the population. Is no one safe?
There is a community of vigilantes who should be warned. Regardless of their motivations, they’re undeniably at risk of making the situation worse. A handful have even started wearing fuzzy puppy slippers in their zealous attempt to infiltrate the Bed People. These vigilantes fail to realize that the second you step out the door in bedroom attire, it is too late. You are infected.
Do not be fooled by cute slippers or puppies on their attire. You, or the ones you love, might be their next victim.
Be on the look out for these warning signs:
Very cute post!!!!
Thank you so much. Beware not to get infected.
I have noticed the invasion. It started out small, kind of like when you see an ant in your kitchen. You kill one or two and don’t worry about it, the next thing you know you are INFESTED!
Indeed! We all have to be careful.
What??? You got a PROBLEM with me shopping in high end quality stores like Tar–t or Walm–t in my PJ’s.
Le me just say, I’m a Bed person and I don’t care WHO knows it.
For Shame!
Sue, I know you’re being facetious but on a serious note, I don’t think the “quality” of the store has anything to do with it. Whether it’s Wal-Mart or Neiman Marcus, people should have the decency to consider that they are “in public.”
The first time I saw someone do this I thought he was cool. This was in 2005 when it was cool. He still doesn’t have a job though and still goes out in his pajama pants. He’s no longer cool.
Maybe stripping these people down naked can help get them to stop? Not everyone though. A lot of these PJ wearers are not people anyone would like to see in the flesh.
Why do all of my ideas involve nudity?
Remember the nudist….you were warned.
Damn! I think I’m infected. I’ve started wearing my slippers outside. I’m infected, aren’t I? How long do I have? Is there a vaccine? Tell it to me straight, Becca; I know you will. I can take the truth, as long as it’s not unpleasant.
It’s too late for you.
But . . . uh . . . I don’t wear pajamas to bed. So now I’m afraid that the week after next I’m going to show up at work wearing only my tighty whities, just like all those disturbing dreams I used to have. Fortunately, if it’s like the dream, no one will notice.
We’re in a very sad state when the Bed People think it’s okay to go out like that. I feel the same about girls in any kind of sweatpants. In fact, I think sweatpants should be banned, along with flannel.
but not yoga pants right?
Haha. Exactly. You know my stance on yoga pants.
Indeed I do.
Ah Jeremy, you just never will come around to flannel, will you?
Ahh I if there was a girl in a flannel top and nothing else…He wouldn’t mind.
Fortunately, they are easy to avoid as it is very hard to run outdoors in fuzzy slippers.
Please don’t ask me how I know that.
LOL Now I want to know.
I was young! It wasn’t my fault! They said it would be good for my career!
Bed people are scary in shops. Great post!
Thanks Dan
You did this post without a single picture from people of walmart, I’m impressed
I did!
There’s two main differences between the Bed People at the two particular stores in question.
1) At Wal-Mart, they tend to be women over 40 and over 250 pounds.
2) At Target, they tend to be girls under 18.
Both are problematic, for different reasons.
I worked at Target in two different states for a total of six years, and Bed People may have been #2 pet peeve there, behind only people who won’t get off their cell phones at checkout.
People are rude on their cells.
Around the ‘hood, walking my dog, I will go out in the shorts I sleep/lounge in (they’re almost knee-length, thanks) or in the colder months, sweatpants and slippers. That I don’t care about. But if there is an errand that involves driving, I am getting dressed.
Reminds me of when I was in high school. I had a favorite teacher, and she really was my favorite for the right reasons, but I thought she was hot to boot. I was working at Winn-Dixie and she came in their wearing workout pants and a sports bra, holy ****! I was a happy 17yo. So I guess it’s not always bad, but Workout Clothes People is a different phenomenon from Bed People, eh?
yes and you are infected if you go out at all with sleep stuff on. Sorry to break it to you Jason.
Working on a college campus, I am on the very front lines of the battle to contain this contagion. Often, despite the best efforts of myself and others (sometimes with shotguns) the Infected outnumber the Normal. Efforts to combat the scourge, such as encouraging students to sleep in street clothes, have failed. Only the physics department and its experiments with Fabrical Recombobulation shines forth as a ray of hope: they eventually hope to turn pajamas into tuxedos, though their greatest success so far has been a frilly pink sock recombobulated into a dress stocking.
Alex, dear, I think I adore you. You made me belly laugh. I think you should make a blog post about your efforts.
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