We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast of Lady or Not…Here I Come for this very important message:
In the past few months, stores around the nation have reportedly observed increasingly unusual behavior from their patrons. Reports of underdressed consumers has spread fear throughout the retail industry: a fear that is rapidly turning into full-blown terror. Many store owners and managers expressed anxiety as realization of this invasion sank in. They have coined the term “Bed People” to describe this bizarre new phenomenon.
Such displays of comfort in public places hasn’t been seen since the skin people, aka nudists, invaded in the 1970s. We are receiving accounts from all over the world that the Bed People are uniformed in fuzzy slippers, bathrobes, and pajamas. Be warned, this invasion carries an infectious quality.
According to an anonymous source, some stores are Target-ing the Bed People. Wal-Mart is actually encouraging these aliens to shop there regularly. This business practice has emboldened the Bed People to Target all retail businesses, thereby infecting even more of the population. Is no one safe?
There is a community of vigilantes who should be warned. Regardless of their motivations, they’re undeniably at risk of making the situation worse. A handful have even started wearing fuzzy puppy slippers in their zealous attempt to infiltrate the Bed People. These vigilantes fail to realize that the second you step out the door in bedroom attire, it is too late. You are infected.
Do not be fooled by cute slippers or puppies on their attire. You, or the ones you love, might be their next victim.