Dear ladies of the gym,
I appreciate that you enjoy being ogled by the opposite sex. You want to be unique like the other 8 thousand woman who look like you. I understand gyms are a great place to pick up a man who cares about his appearance. I even get that you might have a crush on a hot stud you see working out regularly.
When you show up in your itty-bitty workout outfits, full make up, and hair freshly blown out you scream desperation. Then you take up one of the Cardio machines by sitting there and reading your trashy magazines. An asthmatic snail passes you while you check yourself out in the mirror, doing your best porn star poses, You are not fooling anyone. Some of us would actually like to use those machines.
Recently I heard a group of men having a good laugh over the subject. I hated to see them having fun at your expense, but I have to agree with them; your face should be flushed, your breathing erratic, and your skin should glisten. I guarantee that you look hotter than you do when you’re on your pole at the Lusty Lady.
I would appreciate if you would show some consideration for those that are not looking for Hugh Hefner to discover us. I promise that if you show me respect by freeing the machines, I will respect your need to show off your silicone love bubbles. My suggestion, if your plastic surgeon gives his okay, is to do some great yoga poses on the mats. If you wear yoga pants with no underwear, you will get better results.