Ladies of the Gym

Dear ladies of the gym,

I  appreciate that you enjoy being ogled by the opposite sex.  You want to be unique like the other 8 thousand woman who look like you.  I understand gyms are a great place to pick up a man who cares about his appearance.  I even get that you might have a crush on a hot stud you see working out regularly.

no squats or deadlifts dont want to get to big Ladies of the Gym

When you show up in your itty-bitty workout outfits, full make up, and hair freshly blown out you scream desperation.  Then you take up one of the Cardio machines by sitting there and reading your trashy magazines.  An asthmatic snail passes you while you check yourself out in the mirror, doing your best porn star poses,  You are not fooling anyone. Some of us would actually like to use those machines.

Hot Russian Girls Working Out 912 Ladies of the Gym

Recently I heard a group of men having a good laugh over the subject.  I hated to see them having fun at your expense, but I  have to agree with them; your face should be flushed, your breathing erratic, and your skin should glisten.   I guarantee that you look hotter than you do when you’re on your pole at the Lusty Lady.

sarahbelleli Ladies of the Gym

Photo Credit Sarah Belleli

I would appreciate if  you would show some consideration for those that are not looking for Hugh Hefner to discover us.  I promise that if you show me respect by freeing the machines, I will respect your need to show off your silicone love bubbles.  My suggestion, if your plastic surgeon gives his okay, is to do some great yoga poses on the mats.  If you wear yoga pants with no underwear, you will get better results.



Lady or Not…Here I come



Ladies of the Gym — 313 Comments

  1. I love it. Reminds me of a post I wrote a while back about how I try really hard not to ogle the ladies of the gym in their itty-bitty workout clothes, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. I do agree that if they’re going to be at the gym they should either A) get a real workout or B) give me their number. Otherwise, A) get out of the way so people can use the machine or B) since you want to be ogled, please choose a spot that is in front of me.

    Also, I love the phrase “silicone love bubbles.” That’s a great Becca-ism.

  2. Oh sh*t … ROFL! hahahaha! Oh my goodness… OH MY GOODNESS! This is FUNNY ! You know? There’s a woman’s blog I follow and she’s in stunning shape and a couple months ago (she’s very down to earth too) and she and I had a discussion about this woman who was a trainer, who looked fine prior to her breast enhancement, and then she got her breasts enhanced and I wondered what was wrong with her mind… I mean, the woman was fine the way she was… Truly.

    Maybe I don’t get it, or maybe I understand too much but … I work out at home it’s cheaper but I can’t see the point of any of the above. I’ve seen it myself, it’s like… euw. Icky…

    I’d much rather see someone who likes themselves vs. putting on all this nonsense you’re talking about. It really twists my head around because it’s like, “please like yourself for who you are!” We all have flaws and insecurities, I do… definitely, work on that … the other superficial stuff just doesn’t cut it.

    Thank you. :) Rant over. haha :)

      • This is true… I have the P90x workouts, I can’t do them right now because I have some inner ear stuff going on but you don’t see those women all fluffy, they’re themselves, they’re working out and it’s nice. Just down to earth, working out, feeling good… that’s what it’s about.

        Do you know why I may not be getting the email responses even though I’m clicking the notify me of follow up comments? I reloaded the page because it was still open, so I’m clueless.

    • Oh keep reading my posts and you will see words like tampon tunnel, love bubbles, flogging your log, and (on tomorrow’s post) cucumber canal. I have to find ways to stay safe for work. ;)

      Lady or Not…Here I Come

  3. Your terminology is rather fascinating and I wonder what
    other gems I will find as I plunder your vault… Okay read
    your posts then I just figured that I would get myself into
    character for later on at the gym :)



    • Oh I am a Texas Gal, we spout useless terminology all the time. My favorite is piddle fart. I have to work that into a post for today. You can’t say I didn’t warn you about my verbal ejaculations in the header of my blog. ;)


      • Yes I can see that piddle-fart would have
        a definite effect on… Well I will have to read
        your latest installment to find out, but I bet
        it is something incredibly wicked :)

        Androgoth Xx

  4. Becca, I think of the same thing about men who are at the gym :D
    They are those who wear sleeveless, widely-ripped, hanging t-shirt. Desperately seeking attention. I have a post about it.

  5. You outdid yourself with this post. Now I like looking at a beautiful woman, but hell when Im in the gym looking at some bimbo, trying to pick-up a man in the gym well you gotta wonder about her. Hell Lady get off the elliptical, Id like to get my workout going and you’re looking like an idiot sitting there. Now on the other hand if you want to sweat and show that you are intent on looking good for yourself and improving yourself…well then you will get my attention.
    Every gym in the country should post this blog up on their front windows, with the warning sign beware you are being watched and have been judged and have been found wanting ( of brains and self dignity) huge fail.

  6. Hilarious. :) My trainer — whom I see about once every six weeks when I happen to have a day off from work — calls them Gym Barbies and refuses to work with them. He says they’re too boring and have nothing worthwhile to talk about.

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  8. This is great, Rebecca!

    Did you really hear some guys laughing about it? Oh, TOO funny!

    That woman in that ‘yoga’ pose – omg, that’s way stretchy!!

    You’re so funny, love your vibe & viewpoints. N.

  9. I love the phraseology in this too! Pain in the arse gym junkies! (not that I go to the gym anyway). Love the suggestion about the pants-free yoga poses. Britney could’ve learnt a lot from you!

  10. This post is funny and to be honest, I did went to the gym with make up on BUT! It’s because I went straight to the gym from work. I didn’t want to take a shower, go to the gym, and take a shower again. Not everything is what it seems. Just saying. :D

    • Right, I understand that we all have lives and even I have had makeup on at the gym. My point is when you can tell it was put on fresh right before walking in. I bet you have seen what I am talking about. We women can tell the difference.

  11. As I read your post, I realized that I never noticed how pretentious these women at the gym were, because I was too busy appreciating their attributes…in a less-than-animalistic way, of course. Hey, I’m as human as the next guy. I never did hit on any of them. I wanted to once…

  12. I set the computer on scroll, washed the cat, car and my husband, and by the time I returned, the computer had just reached the bottom or your comments section! :) Funny, funny blog. I couldn’t find any like buttons, so know I like lots of it!

  13. Good post, the letter format works well, as does breaking it up with pictures that make your point. Thanks for checking out my blog, appreciated.

    p.s. I like how you’ve worded the invitation to leave a comment :D

  14. Hmnn…Seems to me, that while every gym has its unmistakable Queen and Princesses, most are indeed desperate or maybe, delusional. No gym can, for instance, reverse time but that seems an entry key to the results often hoped. And no gym alters size 14 to size 10 though it may help tidy the change…if there is change. And while sweating on some hideous, medieval agony machine under the direction of a snickering dungeon master or worse, mistress, one eventually realizes that the hours of agony needed to actually progress will require giving up ones’ career and children…

  15. Sadly Planet Fitness doesn’t have erotic babes or punching bags to hit on but I do get that uncomfortable feeling with Mister Closet Fitness in an old blue towel pretends to comb his hair at the mirror as I shower.

  16. Becca, never having been to the gym I have not been so fortunate to see the creature you refer. but having read your post, that maybe the excuse I need. — Bill

  17. Love it…I was walking into the gym once and saw some ladies putting make up on in the car…who does that? And then I walk around the track slowly talking and giving me the stank eye for running lol…love this

  18. Ha ha! That’s one point to the ‘real women’ out there instead of the plastic ones! I hate anything fake! And I always, but always, laugh at girls wearing make-up on the hills – or maybe it’s waterproof makeup? I wear make-up if I’m going out… period!

  19. hilarious! it was exactly what i needed after my post today about parents writing about their kids so much. i also have to say that old women from unwesternized countries love to stand in front of the mirrors wearing nothing while drying their hair. creeps me out. but this post: brilliant.

  20. Rebecca,

    For the past few days I tried to access your site and I kept getting an error 505… I am soooo glad I got here today. Thank you for following mylifeasasquirrel and liking my latest post. Your Ladies of the Gym is hilarious and so very true… it reminds me I need to go back to working out. Maybe I will skip the gym this time. Thank you again!

  21. Well played. Let’s not forget the giant douchebags that feel the need to don their finest kahkis and layer on the hair gel to do a few curls. Do I need to mention that I’m from new jersey?

  22. my favorite is when they wear very thin PINK work out skinpants, and bend over in front of the women on the bikes. Hello……I already have one of those. Please take your merchandise elsewhere…..

    • LOL I have been stalking you for years and taking pictures of you to use when I started blogging. I am embarrassed you found out. ;) You have caught onto how this blog works. ;) Just put bec or becca now Bex in front of everything and we are as good as gold. ;)

  23. Awesome. I’m glad I found you when you liked my post. I’ll be following this blog, hoping for more of the same. And … I will admit a terrible truth: I’m horrified of gyms. I just won’t enter one anymore. Everything about it terrifies me. Maybe I’ll slip into the campus gym at the school where I’m doing an MFA, note the specific horrors, and do an entry about them. IF I get the courage to go through the front door.

  24. At my 24hrFatness, if you go in the morning like I do, everyone else is over 90 and they ARE the slowest asthmatic snails. Sometimes they walk so slow in front of me, I think i’m going to knock em down. very funny post!

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  26. LMAO….. I have read and reread this and I”m still laughing….. omg…… you hit the nail on the head and I am sooooooooo PROUD of you….. lol. Thank you for your blatant honesty and humor. You rule!!

  27. We personal trainers used to call them (both genders) workout bunnies. Some of the females wore butt floss. Some of the guys didn’t wear, um, ahem! That was twenty years ago, and the outrageous behavior is still going strong. “The more things change, the more they remain the same.”

  28. Insecure women who objectify themselves in an attempt to be “loved” are just trying to get what all humans want ( most actually..not all)….acceptance and approval. I remind myself of this often, and try to not let my eyes roll into my head, or allow myself to mutter words like “sad” , or “daddy issues” loud enough for others to hear. Not everyone is secure, self loving, and ready to tell the world to “suck it if you don’t like my nose ring….bitch,” but we can always hold out hope. I try to remember that everyone comes to the table (or gym) with their own bag of problems….some feel like their value is based on being a sex object, some hate other people for being desperate….it all evens out in the wash I guess. Those a hole men who were gritching about the cardio queens need to shut the hell up. They are part of the problem. Objectify, then judge…the mating call of average Joe’s everywhere. And hell yes on the yoga. Love your blog! I need more people in my life like you….strong women, who tell their truth.

    • Thank you for your thoughts and for your nice comments about my blog. I am strong and confident, and I honestly would love to pass that onto others. Laughter and fun is the way to go. I a glad to have you here. :)


  29. Omg I love your blog and totally agree!!!!! I think it was hilarious! Thank u so much for checkin out my blog too! How can I follow yours?

  30. Ha, that’s funny shit right there! Like the men who block all the free weights because they have to stare at their freakin’ pecs and biceps and what not. Hey, asshole, some of us want to burn just enough calories that we can get drunk on beer tonight without gaining extra weight! lol. Now where is this Lusty Lady you mention???

  31. Definitely, those women are frauds! The ones who don’t break out in a sweat, look oh so perfect, …. I would like to strangle them! I sweat in my baggy sweat clothes and if I somehow get a guy to notice, hopefully he will be real! It is totally all right, guys, to look, after all that is what they want you to do! This was funny and a good rant, too!

  32. Ladies of the gym never looked so good,
    maybe it is the yoga pants with no underwear
    that enhances the moment, or perhaps it is
    something completely different? :) Either way
    I enjoyed this posting.

    • LOL thanks for exploring. Yes, it is quite silly the way people act for attention. If doesn’t use up my time, I don’t mind. But come on… ;) (((Hugs))) I hope you’re having a great day.

  33. I have no idea how I didn’t discover your blog sooner. This post is hysterical! I love your sarcasm, and can’t wait to read more posts with that same wit. Awesome.

  34. Hi Rebecca, thanks for stopping by my blog and liking one of my posts. I enjoyed reading this post and many others you have on this witty blog. As to the ladies of the gym, I agree: I’d take sweaty substance over glossy desperation any day :)

  35. That is hilarious and oh so very true, the ladies at my gym not only have silicone bubbles, but lips that enter the room before they do and look so perfect it does nothing to help my body image issues particulary with my current project I am lucky if my hair is not standing up on end and my face looks like I am having a heart attack…. too funny, thank you for the humor and liking my post, have a wonderful day!

    • Thanks Beth. I am following you. So I like to keep up. I am sure the online dating is frustrating. I assumed that is what today’s was about. :) My little ones saw the pipe cleaners and now want some for projects. ;)

  36. You know, you have said a lot of what I have thought at times. People try to look good without doing what it is they are supposed to be doing. And, it does look rather desperate.
    Yeah, you go, girl!

  37. I completely agree with this article. There is nothing more irritating than desperate chicks who shake their butt in front of the Ab Crunch Machine I really want to use. I’m at the gym to—wait for it—work out!

Oh you know you want to give verbal ejaculation a try. Spit it out!