Today is Becca forgot to be funny Saturday. This means, of course, I can’t be funny. I usually take this day to tell you a little about my personal life.
So first you should know my real age. Now here is the thing: I know I look great for my age, but I don’t want to make anyone feel bad. If they hear how old I am and then look at my photo, they won’t feel so good about themselves. While we know they can’t possibly be as youthful-looking and beautiful as me, we want to save their feelings. Ready? Okay I am… 72.
Shhhh, now make sure not to tell anyone. This is just between you and me. My beauty secret is semen mixed into my moisturizer. Also, a daily martini. These two tricks have led to a lifetime of beauty and people volunteering to be my friend, or at least my… bartender.
Speaking of that, I am puzzled as to why I have so many male friends. It seems they keep me young. They’re always telling me how sexy I am with lipstick on my teeth and messy hair. Really, I am still trying to figure out the male to female ratios. I guess I am a bit of a cougar, but they don’t know my age; what they don’t know doesn’t hurt them.
I do have plenty of girlfriends, but they are always asking me the secret to my youthfulness. I tell them to lie about your age, but always go up, not down. Then tell people you use semen in your moisturizer.
Lady or Not… Here I Come!