Moist and Smooth

Today is Becca forgot to be funny Saturday.  This means, of course, I can’t be funny.  I usually take this day to tell you a little about my personal life.

So first you should know my real age.  Now here is the thing: I know I look great for my age, but I don’t want to make anyone feel bad. If they hear how old I am and then look at my photo, they won’t feel so good about themselves.  While we know they can’t possibly be as youthful-looking and beautiful as me, we want to save their feelings.  Ready? Okay I am… 72.

most Moist and SmoothShhhh, now make sure not to tell anyone. This is just between you and me.  My beauty secret is semen mixed into my moisturizer. Also, a daily martini.  These two tricks have led to a lifetime of beauty and people volunteering to be my friend, or at least my… bartender.

Speaking of that, I am puzzled as to why I have so many male friends.  It seems they keep me young.  They’re always telling me how sexy I am with lipstick on my teeth and messy hair.  Really, I am still trying to figure out the male to female ratios.  I guess I am a bit of a cougar, but they don’t know my age; what they don’t know doesn’t hurt them.

I do have plenty of girlfriends, but they are always asking me the secret to my youthfulness.  I tell them to lie about your age, but always go up, not down.  Then tell people you use semen in your moisturizer.

award Moist and Smooth




Lady or Not… Here I Come!


Moist and Smooth — 66 Comments

  1. Genetics can lead to some pretty amazing things at times. A guy once told me of a sales call he made to a home that was occupied by three of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. They looked so much alike that he just assumed they were sisters – until they informed him that they were actually mother, daughter, and granddaughter! :D

      • Funny how women are always more skeptical of that story than men… And of course we must include “delusional thinking” on the list of possibilities as well. After all, the guy who told me that story was residing on the same psych ward that I was at the time… :lol:

  2. I don’t know why I even read that if you aren’t even going to try to be funny. And I’ve been using semen on my face for years. My own semen, and quite by accident, but it does keep me gorgeous.

  3. Isn’t it funny how semen grosses out men more than it grosses out women? Come on boys, it is your own product, chill:)) You know what also works wonders? All the preservatives in the beer. This is my secret. Well…was…I do it like a dude to stay young.

  4. What is wrong with these men…they seem to think we (the weaker sex lol) should enjoy the hell out of it. I hope I look nearly as good as you at age 72 (or even 52) and am still able to partake of the semen skin secret…I will do my best. Thanks for the heads up on this one.

  5. You just can’t keep a spunky
    girl down can you Becca :) lol
    you’re looking bloody gorgeous
    for seventy two so it definitely
    works, do you have your slaves
    rubbing it in too? :) Well I only
    asked no need to blush ;) lmao

    You are just too naughty you are,
    even for my wickedly dark and utterly
    depraved and ghoulish standards ;)

    Geoff xxx

  6. I heard bird poop works, too. Dab a little under your eyes and watch the wrinkles disappear. I’m not sure which bird works best, but this country has lots of ‘em. You’re bound to find the right one that works for you.

  7. Well my mind certainly boggled with that title! ;-)

    I’m young-looking for my age too – I’m 82! LOL

    Oh, and how many men have told me ‘semen’ is good for me (either to eat or as face cream – it has Vitamin E and all that guff!) – men eh!

  8. I got your email notification of your other place referring people back here, and I was so baffled by the ‘like’ button I just had to click it, then I read it lol ..anyway, I would never put semen on my face :/ But I had a friend who was Colombian and her grandmother said that first morning urine or first morning saliva put on the face prevents aging. I’ve never done those things either :P

  9. Personally, I believe everything I read on the internet. Thank you for the beauty tips, though methinks m’lady is more likely to want whiskey than a martini. And I wouldn’t dare suggest anything to add to her beauty. That’s between her and, uh, whoever she wants to talk to.

  10. Note to self: Semen = magical elixir.

    Oh boy! — I’ve always done this — lied up, not down! Now finally I meet someone who totally gets that logic! “What! You’re 72 — you look soooooo good!” Makes sense to me!

    Now, I’ve got to figure out why I didn’t get an auto notification of your email though I’m following. Just checked the little box here — hope it works. I want to be updated on any more beauty secrets…

  11. This title is deceiving. When I saw it in my inbox I deleted it, thinking it was porn spam. Then I realized it came from you, so I excitedly clicked on your site to read it, and then was let down. Stop playing with my emotions.

  12. Wow,,,after this wknd,,,I look 15yrs younger,,,good thing I read your post Saturday and told new boy “hey I have a idea about some new kind of moisturize and hey honey guess what,,,,you can participate and help me” (men like to feel that they are usefull,,sshhhh don’t tell them that).
    I too get along and have more male friends than female, I think it’s mostly my sense of humour, and how I know just how far to go and still look and act like a chick!

Oh you know you want to give verbal ejaculation a try. Spit it out!