It is our pleasure to interview the illustrious and bawdy Becca of Lady or Not… Here I Come! We, of course, do not condone or approve of anything this woman might compose for her narcissistic pablum known as a blog. Please take note that she will not be referred to as a lady, as she seems proud of the phrase “verbally ejaculate.” Her positively odious personality is repugnant to all forms of our gender.
Ms. BM: Hello Ms. Becca. I am unsure what your last name is. I did my research and could not find the answer. May I ask what your last name is?
Becca: Sure. Go for it.
Ms. BM: (pause) Well that pregnant pause was uncomfortable. What is your last name, madam?
Becca: How did the pause get pregnant? She was sleeping around, wasn’t she? Ummm… my last name? I am not going to tell you. I keep that private, but hey good for you for tryin’.
Ms. BM: (face blushing red) Alright. Darling, would you care to tell us how it is you manage a household of children and a husband, yet endure the bourgeois daily penciling of your blog?
Becca: I don’t use a pencil. I use a computer. Stop trying to show off and use words that don’t quite make sense just to impress everyone. That said, I write at night. I stay up all hours formulating my thoughts. I mean, today’s post was going to be about flaccid tacos (and possibly might be in the future), and now it is an interview with you. It is after midnight and I am still having to work.
Ms. BM: Alright. In simple terms, how is it not neglectful to your family to stay up until 4 A.M. most nights?
Becca: My hypothetical children are school age. I can sleep while they are at school. If you would like, I will wake up early and have you over for a glass of wine at 8 A.M.
Ms. BM: (Blink, Blink) There is no way a lady, umm… person, can write a blog like yours, maintain a household, and stay up all hours of the night.
Becca: Sure it’s possible. Before I elaborate, I bet I get more sleep than you, Ms. Mafia. Tell me, what time do you go to bed and wake up?
Ms. BM: I got to bed at 10 P.M. and wake up around 6 A.M.
Becca: Awesomeness. Good for you. I go to bed at 4 and wake up at 1. Seems I get more sleep than you.
Ms. BM: So how do you balance it all?
Becca: With laughter, love, and cleaning ladies.
Ms. BM: ( silence)
Becca: There is that knocked up pause again. What’s got your tongue? Is it that you know that my cleaning ladies also clean your house? I hear you have quite the collection of… Battery Operated Boyfriends in your bedside table.
Ms. BM: (sits up straight and cleans non-existent crumbs off her blouse) I am a little surprised you have a cleaning staff.
Becca: Oh that’s right… I’m not a lady. Well, seeing as you wrote a post about saying the word “F&%k” while knocking boots, you only have your husband’s third leg to stand on, “Lady”.
Ms. BM: (blushes) Thank you for your time, Ms. Becca. (exits quickly)
Lady or Not… Here I Come!