Blogtoberfest a Vampire Story

I would like to thank Ray for participating in Blogtoberfest http://charlieray45.wordpress.com/ Check out his blog.

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Please don’t forget to post this on your blog with a craft, story, poem, etc.  Shoot me a quick note with a link to it and I will post it to the readers. icon smile Blogtoberfest a Vampire Story

On with today’s spooky tale:

 

True story.  Marilyn was a beautiful young brunette.  Everyone from miles around admired her beauty. She married at a very young age and became Mrs. Dougherty.  The men cried in their coco puffs and the women cheered. She was off the market.

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Mrs James Dougherty, June 26, 1945

One day a particularly sinister man decided to pursue her though she was married. He felt that a married woman was less complicated because she wouldn’t beg him for gifts, commitment, or children.

Marilyn resisted him for a while but eventually gave into temptation.  The man threw money and diamonds her way.  She felt like a princess. What he didn’t expect was that she would fall in love with him.  She started plotting to run away with him.  The man had never anticipated this.

 Blogtoberfest a Vampire StoryOne day he was plotting how to escape the trap he built for himself.  He couldn’t figure how to get out of it.  So he tried to kill himself.  A cute and sparkly vampire named Carlisle stopped by and decided to rescue him.

When he woke he realized he was saved from his predicament.  Little did he know that he was now the love slave of Carlisle *cough Twilight* until he was released from the blood.  He disappeared and the townspeople didn’t know what happened to him.

A few years later he was still Carlisle’s love slave when he saw his lover on the silver screen.  She look very different.  She was blonde and beautiful.  He saw this as an opportunity to escape his fate.  He told his captor that he was to be married to this woman when he was changed into a vampire.  In a rare moment of kindness he was released.

He had nothing so he looked Marilyn up and tried to get money from her.  She said only if he were to marry her.  He told her he couldn’t marry her as Vampires can only marry vampires.  He laughed on the inside because he knew this wasn’t true.  She cried but seem to accept it and set him up with a beautiful apartment.

Two days later there was a knock on the door.  He answered it see Marilyn standing on his doorstep.  ”I’m a vampire!” she shouted.  Vampire or not he fell over dead with shock.

 

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Blogtoberfest Scary Story

Yay we’re up and running!  Here is today’s post all links should work now!

I would like to thank masterochi.wordpress.com for participating in our fun series!  Check out the blog by clicking the link!

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I have a fiction scary story for today:

A girlfriend of mine decided to spice up her love life with her significant other.  She brought him flowers and planned romantic dates.  Things were not changing in the love department in their bedroom.  She couldn’t figure out what to do.

Her strategy was to ask him what his fantasies were.  He listed the typical female, female, male threesome.  He told her he had always been afraid of her reaction to the idea.  She told him she promised to consider the option.

She then brought up her fantasy for role playing.  She always liked aggression in the bedroom.  She didn’t want to bring it up because she thought he would think it would be weird.   He asked her for examples of what she meant.  She expressed that she had one fantasy about a robber breaking in.  He was really sexy and she and the robber would have a steamy session in the room.

The next day, they decided to try out role playing.  She got ready for bed in her sexy night outfit.  She wondered how it was going to play out, though she knew it would have to be a night filled with fireworks.  She laid there watching the minutes tick by until she drifted off to sleep.

Suddenly there was a huge crash.  She jumped out of bed and to her surprise she saw a woman breaking in.  Then she looked up and saw him grinning from ear to ear as he hit the start button on the song “Let’s Get It On”.

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Not what she meant!

Blogtoberfest Elections Part 2

Ladyornot.com is up and running so I am posting the posts from the last couple of dys.

Posted yesterday: Before the debates yesterday, the Lady or Not…Here I Come news team sat down with the orange presidential hopeful. We were on his boat.

 Blogtoberfest Elections Part 2

LoN Reporter: Hello governor, cheerio old man. Oh wait you’re Mormon not English. Nice to meet you and your lovely wife.

Governor: That is correct.  Thanks for having us.  Sorry we had to bring the small boat.  The yacht was overtaken by a guy name Bolton talking about his lover Jack Sparrow.

LoN Reporter: Yeah he is known for doing that.  I am a little offended that you took me out on this dumpy thing.  I think you should pay me for having to sit on here. So I asked the other hot guy running a math question so I should ask you one too. How much will you pay me to tell my readers I am voting for you?

Governor: Yep.  No problem.  You might find a few hundred thousand laying around in the seat cushions.  Feel free to dig when the interview is over.

LoN Reporter: Thanks.  Okay so do you know Beyonce?

Governor: I am afraid not.  I do know Prince Harry.  He says to send his love to Becca.  He has a package waiting for her.

LoN Reporter: God help us all.  That man has been stalking her for months….Oh wait a package, ewww!  Next question.  I heard that people in your faith can’t have caffeine, what do you use to mix your bourbon with?

Governor: Ummm

LoN Reporter: I withdraw the question.  It was stupid. Of course you don’t mix your bourbon with anything you can afford the good stuff.  That concludes our interview. Thanks for the sit down. Now the undecided voters have a tough choice to make. Personally I think we need to get out the yardstick and make you two stand side by side naked to decide.

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Lady or Not…Here I Come

* If you would like to read the first interview with the other guy (Obama) click here http://ladyornot.com/blogtoberfest-elections/ ?

Blogtoberfest Elections

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Don’t forget to link me if you use this banner so I can link your blog.

http://artisticmilestone.wordpress.com/2012/10/02/141/  She made these really cute voodo dolls out of ginger root.  Check her out! If you, too, made a post don’t forget to link me so I can share it with my readers.

Today’s spooky tail:  Did you know there was an election coming up?  I didn’t either.  I was too busy knitting reusable toilet paper and tampons. (hover over words to read about it) However, Saturday Night Live did a PSA on us undecided voters.  Beware….this is very spooky.

Personally, I agree with them all. “What are the names of the two people running?” is a legitimate question.  Also, I want to know do they care that my conditioner leaves a waxy build up?  Are they willing to hold my hand while I pee?  Who is this Samuel L Jackson and what about those snakes on his plane?

In an election year we all have to make sure we have our priorities in order.  My hair should be at the top of the list.  Lady or Not did some research on who was running.  We found out the president is some guy named Obama.  I don’t know much about him but he is super hot. I interviewed him.  Tomorrow, I will sit down with the other guy…Romney.

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LoN Reporter: Mr. President, Nice to meet you.  If I knew you were a smokin’ hot guy I might have paid better attention to who you were.  Let me check how smart you are.  What is 6245 x 0?

President:

LoN Reporter: That is correct. I suppose you do know more than I thought.  The answer is nothing. Mr. President, what are your goals for making sure I can have my cake and eat it too?

President:

LoN Reporter: Hmmm strike against you. Mr President, I heard you were friends with Beyonce.  How did she get her baby weight off so quickly?

President:

LoN Reporter: Yeah I don’t know either.  Okay well now the voters know your thoughts.  Thanks for the sit down.  I will consider my vote closer when I talk to the rich guy tomorrow.  He is banging too…you have some competition.

 

Lady or Not…Here I Come!spooky blinkie Blogtoberfest Elections

 

Blogtoberfest

wonderoldwoman BlogtoberfestThe month of October is alway fun.  Candy, celebrations, really desperate women in skimpy outfits to point and laugh at, and men that have been waiting all year to dress like women are part of this season. Ladyornot.com would like to welcome you to our Blogtoberfest Celebrations.

Every day of October we will try to share with you something spooktacularly scary.  It might be the way my hair looks or yours. It could be ghoulish ..but it will never fail to be scary.  If you would like to participate in Blogtoberfest, please make a post and you can post this badge on your profile.  I will link every one of your Blogtoberfest post on the next day’s post if you post this badge.

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Today’s Share:

Two years ago I made a dish for a Halloween party.  Here is a picture of my creation.

006 BlogtoberfestReady to be scared? I can’t remember if I licked my fingers while cooking.  I really try hard not to…but frosting always gets me.

Happy monday, and Blogtoberfest!

x,

Becca

Lady or Not…Here I Come

Ps. Please don’t forget to check out Saturday’s forgot to be funny award recipients:

1. Jasonwrites.com

2. http://charlesaray.blogspot.com/2012/09/i-visited-ladyornot-today.html and http://charlieray45.wordpress.com/2012/09/29/i-visited-ladyornot-today/

Bacon

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My long time friends can all tell you that I liked bacon before it was cool to like bacon.  Every time I like something, it isn’t cool at first.  Then some trend happens, and now my love of bacon is average.   Now there are chap sticks, t-shirts, and candy all about bacon.

People….back off my bacon.  Apparently there is going to be some sort of shortage now because of your lust for my favorite food.  I don’t want a friggin’ bacon apocalypse. So it has been said, so it shall be done.

 

Thanks,

Becca

Lady or Not…Here I Come!

WTF Friday #8

Welcome to WTF #8  This means Ladyornot.com is 2 months old.  Thanks to all of you loyal readers. If you ever have suggestions for WTF Friday please email Becca at Rebecca@ladyornot.com …. Suggestions make her life so much easier.

Real products You can Purchase:

escale perspective WTF Friday #8Weighty Price: Ever want to pay $6.95 to find out that you ate too many donuts?  You too can pay for “Scale of the Future” ….Or you can get a regular scale and see the number yourself.  That is a tough one.

 

 

 

beer for dogs bowser beer wtf awesome1 WTF Friday #8Don’t want to drink alone?:  If you do you might have a problem. I say the smart thing to do is drink with your dog.  You and Spike can have a nice Bowswer Beer together.  Then you won’t be drinking a lone. It’s got to be 5 somewhere in the world. Right?

 

Cleaning: Ever get tired of scrubbing your floors…Now your baby can do it for you.

 WTF Friday #8

 

In the News:

 WTF Friday #8

Dude…you could never imagine how horrific that was!

A man in Auckland went to the ER to get an eel removed from his behind. ”The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus and the incident is the talk of the place,” a hospital source said. “Doctors and nurses have come across people with strange objects that have got stuck where they shouldn’t be before, but an eel has to be a first.”  Read more about it here http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10835890

 WTF Friday #8My readers are not pervs so I give you this news so that you can judge your friends: My friend, Gnosticbent reported on this and told me I could share with you.   Tired of searching for porn for hours trying to find just the right one to hit the spot?  Search.XXX  will allow people to search for porn without pop ups in one place.  It isn’t brought in by revenue.  I quote gnostic “All you have is porn at your fingertips, at least until those fingertips drift off the mouse and start “interfacing” with your naughty bits and pieces.”  I personally say get out your Bibles and pray for the salvation of you and your hands…but to each their own. http://gnosticbent.wordpress.com/2012/09/27/porn-now-easier-to-find/

8010680895 465ecebb77 b WTF Friday #8Baggage Fees?:  The Space Shuttle Endeavor took a piggy back ride on 747 this week.  Am I the only one that calls BS on extra baggage fees for over weight bags? If you can carry a shuttle you can carry my extra flatiron and blow dryer.  http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2012/09/endeavour-seen-from-space/

 

Video of the week:

 

Lady or Not…Here I Come!

Baby You Know I Love You but You Just Can’t Smile

Did you ever play that game as a teenager?  While other teenagers were playing spin the bottle I was playing games at church. I was the type of teen that would go to church every day of the week they had an event open.  This game came into my mind today.  One player  would sit in the person’s lap or kneel before them and say those words and they have not laugh.  You all must be doing this to me.

Here is the deal, my lovely readers, when I call someone darlin’ or love…well it is a word of affection.  I am a southerner.  That is what we do.  Bless your heart can mean f-you or it can mean I am sorry to hear that.  Love, darlin’, sweetie, and so on are just part of our daily vocabulary.

IMG0050 Baby You Know I Love You but You Just Cant Smile

Serious Becca Face

I tell you this so that you will quit throwing yourself at me.  I don’t want your smelly stinky stained underpants because I called you love. I also don’t need marriage proposals, sonnets, or taxidermied animals.  If you want to give me something, cash is good though the purchase of said items listed in previous posts.

I might say things like, “Love, your muffin top has turned into a can of biscuits.” This isn’t a declaration of my undying love for you.  I might say, “Darlin’ those pants make your butt look like two pigs fighting when you walk.” Again, not a proposal for friends with benefits.

In conclusion, you will never get to hit this but I love you.

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x,

Becca

Lady or Not…Here I Come!

Becca-ism #3389

Yes I can cook. I made love to the guacamole I made last night.  After a few margaritas we invited some fajitas for a nice Ménage à trois.  I fully accepted that after this threesome, my butt would be stalked.  It was worth it.

 Becca ism #3389

 

That’s right. This practically perfect Lady…can make guests clean a dish before it is washed. Foodgasm anyone?

x,

Becca

 

Lady or Not…Here I Come