I have been trying to find new places where I can meet decent, attractive, single women. I’ve been told that grocery stores, libraries, and church are the best alternatives to the bar scene. As someone who is obviously an expert on women, where do you advise I go?
First, thank you for your correct observation of my female expertise. All the women who regularly read Lady or Not no doubt agree with you. Well, some of your answers are obvious.
If you want smart chicks, go to the library. However, I suggest you might want to try Barnes & Noble instead, because then you will reassure your potential pickups that you can actually afford to buy books. I’ve spent a lot of time in
public libraries and on your average weekday afternoon, you’ll mostly find unemployed people using the free computers to either search Monster.com or surf for NSFW pictures, which is fine since they’re not at work, and probably won’t be anytime soon. So if your dream is to be a sugar daddy, you might get lucky. Oh, once in a while you’ll see someone actually looking at books; just make sure it’s not in the conspiracy theories section.
Churches can be good places to meet single ladies, so long as the church’s name isn’t Westboro Baptist. Try to listen in to prayers, and see if you can overhear anyone asking God for a husband. Make sure to make your own prayers just audible enough. Thank God for blessing you with such virility. Ask for strength because you are trying so hard to be a born-again virgin, but it’s so difficult when all your past lovers keep coming back because you’re the only one who could ever satisfy them.
Really though, your best bet is probably grocery shopping. After all, that’s something everyone has to do, so there have to be some available ladies at the store. Just be careful about where to choose to shop, because that’s the biggest influence on what kind of women you will meet.
First, there’s Wal-Mart. Shopping here says I’m
poor cheap economical. I suggest using this line: “Did you buy those pajama pants here?” But if you do say that, make sure she doesn’t see your camera phone. Personally, I’d suggest going to Target instead, because women who shop there are saying, “I’m on a budget but still trying to look classy.”
There’s also Costco or Sam’s Club. It’s a bit odd for a single person to do their grocery shopping there, but hey, you can find some amazing deals. You may want to be careful with the woman buying a 196-count box of super-heavy-flow tampons. She’s either stocking up for the next two years or has some major issues. Look for someone buying a 60-lb. bag of cat food. She’ll appreciate your help lifting it and may also need some human company– or maybe not.
Your local supermarket is your best option. Just be careful what’s in your cart. Doritos, Dr Pepper, hand lotion, and Kleenex are probably not your most attractive combination. You can win major brownie points for noting her purchases of skim milk or diet soda and mentioning how she doesn’t need them.
If you find the love of your life, I expect credit. If you don’t, you probably need to become a better listener.
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story…