Now, I know what you all are thinking. I am going to write about shooting your eye out and getting your tongue frozen to a pole. I love that story as much as the next gal, but the Christmas story that sticks in my head is Bad Santa. I know, it should be the one about Baby Jesus, and that one is the real one that sticks in my head, but today we are not talking about him.
I remember seeing this movie as clear as day. My sister-in-law, her friend, husband, and I rode up the escalator of the Peabody mall in Memphis in happy anticipation of watching this film. I had a festive caramel apple and a much smaller butt. As a hypothetical mom of two toddlers, I needed a grown up film that wouldn’t remind me of The Wiggles… anyone ever notice how hot Greg was? Yeah, well that is where my mind was at that time. Sigh, he was the lead singer for The Wiggles. They were my life. I had not heard of the movie but they told me it was funny. I was assuming it would be something like Elf.
So we sat down in our comfy red chairs in anticipation: brother, sister, wife and friend. What more could we hope for? The opening scene was a cocktail party with serene piano music and then Billy Bob narrating about how he hated his life. Cut to him peeing on a wall in his Santa suit. I assumed this must be a story how this guy gets his life together.
The next part that stands out in my head is him having some hard-core sex with a bartender in his car. She was yelling “Fu*k me Santa!” and he says, “Can I at least take the hat off?” and she says something about liking it. Then she talks about a deep-seated desire for that since she was a kid.
Now, let me tell you… nothing is more fun than watching sex with your sister-in-law. I am sure it was even more uncomfortable for her and her brother to be watching it together. After that it was blinders and not watching any other expressions during the movie.
I will say though, if you like dark satires related to Christmas, this is the movie for you. Personally, I am pretty sure it wasn’t Billy Bob in that movie, but the one and only Jasonwrites. See I have proof.
Lady or Not… Here I Come!