Well it is a tongue
Now, I know what you all are thinking. I am going to write about shooting your eye out and getting your tongue frozen to a pole. I love that story as much as the next gal, but the Christmas story that sticks in my head is Bad Santa. I know, it should be the one about Baby Jesus, and that one is the real one that sticks in my head, but today we are not talking about him.
You know you want to hit this… so hot!
I remember seeing this movie as clear as day. My sister-in-law, her friend, husband, and I rode up the escalator of the Peabody mall in Memphis in happy anticipation of watching this film. I had a festive caramel apple and a much smaller butt. As a hypothetical mom of two toddlers, I needed a grown up film that wouldn’t remind me of The Wiggles… anyone ever notice how hot Greg was? Yeah, well that is where my mind was at that time. Sigh, he was the lead singer for The Wiggles. They were my life. I had not heard of the movie but they told me it was funny. I was assuming it would be something like Elf.
So we sat down in our comfy red chairs in anticipation: brother, sister, wife and friend. What more could we hope for? The opening scene was a cocktail party with serene piano music and then Billy Bob narrating about how he hated his life. Cut to him peeing on a wall in his Santa suit. I assumed this must be a story how this guy gets his life together.
The next part that stands out in my head is him having some hard-core sex with a bartender in his car. She was yelling “Fu*k me Santa!” and he says, “Can I at least take the hat off?” and she says something about liking it. Then she talks about a deep-seated desire for that since she was a kid.
Now, let me tell you… nothing is more fun than watching sex with your sister-in-law. I am sure it was even more uncomfortable for her and her brother to be watching it together. After that it was blinders and not watching any other expressions during the movie.
I will say though, if you like dark satires related to Christmas, this is the movie for you. Personally, I am pretty sure it wasn’t Billy Bob in that movie, but the one and only Jasonwrites. See I have proof.
All those emails you gals are sending him made him go off the deep end.
x,
Becca
Lady or Not… Here I Come!
OM friggin’ Gawd! You did NOT just plop his head on there?!?!
I’m in control now.
Ha!
LOL I did. hehe So mean but fun.
Better than some of the places I’ve plopped my own head.
ohhhh what does that mean?
My question is…did the “blue” creep up or down? I would explain some things, lol.
Splendid in full measure.
Thanks Neel.
You are this hot,,,and have kids???
Well thanks Nikki, but I might have two. They are a bit older now, which means life is easier. I wish I looked like the main chick in this movie.
Isn’t it funny how once the the kids get older,,,that we start looking younger and like we used to before them,,,lol
LOL maybe so. I was 23 when my first was born (got married at 21) so it is hard to look that young. You my dear look fabulous. If I were not practically perfect, I would say I perfectly average.
TBS has A Christmas Story, everyone else has Elf. My video tape player plays, Bad Santa for 24 hours. It rewinds on its own.
LOL video tape huh. Well it sounds a bit possessed.
Becca darling you rock…mmmmm and a question to nikkiix2 perhaps she is the prototype for Stifler’s Mom…lucky damn kids. lol? No wait damn lucky husband…im so jealous.
LOL thanks. Stifflers mom was a bit scary for a MILF. You’re so funny and sweet.
Yeah she was but I didn’t want to come right out and say MILF till you had said it so in my twisted way of thinking I win…lol or I could have said “Stacy’s Mom” your choice, lol.
LOL You do win.
Stacy’s mom works. LMAO
Definitely one of my ultimate Christmas movies. Saw it with my sister and her friend and HE was horrified and insulted etc and walked out. I couldn’t understand it. My sister and I howled through the whole film, even wept a bit during a tender moment or two. We still use “is granny spry?” as one of our favourite expressions. LOVE this film. Guess Billy Bob/Jason didn’t have the EVIL Christmas Elf/Narc watching him.
Yeah that Elf on the Shelf is a bastard, I am glad they didn’t.
It was a super funny movie.
I too was fortunate enough to see this “time to get in the spirit” flick. I wisely chose to take my mother-in-law along…I’m still in therapy.
You poor thing. What did she say?
that she didn’t like the way things were going and to keep my hands off her.
Never seen this movie, I’ll take your word and watch it this weekend.
So Jason is a goner?
He is always a goner. As for the watching the movie, I hope you love it.
Too cute. It’s good to get a little Christmas cheer. To me, Christmas means more writing time! Yay! And maybe a new gadget…I had never thought of it as a time to watch really bad Christmas movies. Maybe I’ll reconsider.
It does mean all of that but remember that movie is really really offensive.
I don’t know but I see John Ritter’s name on there. He was in some pretty unsuccessful films, but he was always worth the watch. Getting sidetracked from the point now: “Skin Deep” the scene with the glow in the dark colored condoms, hilarious!
LMAO I hadn’t seen that. I youtubed it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cv5vEd2WRQw too funny.
lol best scene in the movie
I might have to watch it. I haven’t seen it or heard of it.
I don’t really remember the whole movie, it’s very dry, but that scene had me laughing so hard, it’s the only scene I remember lol
Laughing so hard… interesting word choice.
hahahaaa
Ah, c’mon. We all know the best Christmas film ever is “Die Hard”. People get dropped from windows and glass gets shot and Bruce Willis.
Ahhh good point. Hmm now I have watch that.
And then “Batman Returns”, because that’s Christmas, too. With a whip. Rowr.
Ohhh whips… Fifty Shades of Grey… we are word associating right?
Sure… What word would make you answer “All the tea in China.”?
for
“Die Hard” is good, but the best Christmas movie is “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”. And not because Pia Zadora is in it, but that helps because I like saying her name
Ohh I haven’t seen that. I am will watch your link in a bit.
That may be, but the best Christmas anything is the “Invader Zim” episode, “The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever”.
Bahahaha! I agree about Greg, sadly. He was the pretty Wiggle. Thank Christ my spawn are housebroken now.
lol You’re comment made me giggle. You get it. Sigh… most don’t.
I saw Bad Santa with my MIL and FIL. My MIL almost died as well did my wife. FIL and I laughed our asses off. The second time wife and watched it she thought it was much funnier. Apparently, “Fuck me, Santa!” isn’t as funny with your mom. I beg to differ.
LOL Okay you should watch it with your mama
Being the the newest member of the cult of Becca I am reading this on assignment. Of course it is a very insightful piece … as always. I have to admit though that I never actually watched the movie, but since I hold Becca as the prettier, much smaller, white Oprah her word is my command as far as reading, riting and ratching movies. I am Jewish so my not get all the nuances of Santa humor. I am more familiar with his Jewish sister, Tanta Claus.
LOL Jewish or not, still funny.
As for the Oprah, thanks but now I need her money.
No wonder the Cult fees … er … um … fan club gifts are so high!
LOL well shipping someone to Texas isn’t cheap.
You make a fair point!
But you have Adam Sandler’s “Eight Crazy Nights” which is inspired all its own
That’s true! Between that and his Hanukkah song we have our say haha
Tell your friend veronica, it’s time you celebrate hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely hanukkah.
Sing it baby!!
lol you don’t want to hear me sing
Then say it with rhythm baby!! haha
Jason as the Santa—PRICELESS!!! He will DEFINITELY get some calls now….By the way…I’M the GIRL in the movie. Hehehehehe….
xx
Sooz
I thought you might be.
hot stuff.
I’ll never be able to think of the words “So what do you want for Christmas, little girl?” the same again.
Hehehehehehe,,,,,,,,Loved this response…Hehehehe…
xx
Sooz
Sorry I can’t join in today. I’ve never seen the movie. I heard it was very way way offensive so I didn’t even bother.
Aww thanks Mari. It was very offensive to some. It is a very dark satire. Like I said, I didn’t know what it was about before I went to see it.
I’m really picky about my movies. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so much, alas, I am.
I hope you enjoyed it. I wouldn’t be able to sit through it and hate it.
I love the movie “Bad Santa” especially with Billy Bob Thornton’s really laid back attitude! Very raunchy and a great change of pace!
Santa’s got a lot of secrets in his workshop, and a lot more than elves to put on your shelves.
lol for shame Jason.
Oh, god, fruit salad, yummy, yummy,. . . .please no word association, because my filthy mind would automatically drift to “toss my. . . .”.—-not gonna say it! hahahaha
hahahhahahahha you’re too much! I got it;) Which I associate to… plug.
But(t). . . .I digress, straight to the gutter every time! lol
LOL and thus we get along so well.
Great minds think alike!!
indeed.
Great movie! One of my all time favorites!
I am glad I am not the only dark Satire lover.
I’m really confused by the plagiarizing dinosaur tags…Anyway, I’ve never seen the movie, but I agree that few things are more uncomfortable than watching a sex scene with a relative. And yes, you turn on your tunnel vision and make sure you don’t notice any expressions by anyone around you.
The worst is shifting in chairs.
Paul is the walrus, and I am the plagerizing dinosaur.
LOL
yikes! exciting/awkward times (ha!) But you always take them in stride! k.
I try my best.
If I take Jason Claus out, it will be to Denny’s, and he has to bring along the hot chick on his knee.
LOL I am sure he will have plenty of offers to be that person.
Loved that movie
See you have a great sense of humor.
Yes it’s a very dark satire…my sisters feel more embarrassed about it than I do but it’s really funny watching a movie (with a sex scene) with my wife when any of her sisters are present…you can hear a pin drop.
I bet. None of us like that awkward moments.