The Christmas Story

 The Christmas Story

Well it is a tongue

Now, I know what you all are thinking.  I am going to write about shooting your eye out and getting your tongue frozen to a pole.  I love that story as much as the next gal, but the Christmas story that sticks in my head is Bad Santa.  I know, it should be the one about Baby Jesus, and that one is the real one that sticks in my head, but today we are not talking about him.

 The Christmas Story

You know you want to hit this… so hot!

I remember seeing this movie as clear as day.  My sister-in-law, her friend, husband, and I rode up the escalator of the Peabody mall in Memphis in happy anticipation of watching this film.  I had a festive caramel apple and a much smaller butt.  As a hypothetical mom of two toddlers, I needed a grown up film that wouldn’t remind me of The Wiggles… anyone ever notice how hot Greg was?  Yeah, well that is where my mind was at that time.  Sigh, he was the lead singer for The Wiggles.  They were my life.  I had not heard of the movie but they told me it was funny.  I was assuming it would be something like Elf.

So we sat down in our comfy red chairs in anticipation: brother, sister, wife and friend.  What more could we hope for?  The opening scene was a cocktail party with serene piano music and then Billy Bob narrating about how he hated his life.  Cut to him peeing on a wall in his Santa suit.  I assumed this must be a story how this guy gets his life together.

The next part that stands out in my head is him having some hard-core sex with a bartender in his car.  She was yelling “Fu*k me Santa!” and he says, “Can I at least take the hat off?” and she says something about liking it.  Then she talks about a deep-seated desire for that since she was a kid.

tumblr met17tv8Al1ry9hph The Christmas StoryNow, let me tell you… nothing is more fun than watching sex with your sister-in-law.  I am sure it was even more uncomfortable for her and her brother to be watching it together.  After that it was blinders and not watching any other expressions during the movie.

I will say though, if you like dark satires related to Christmas, this is the movie for you.  Personally, I am pretty sure it wasn’t Billy Bob in that movie, but the one and only Jasonwrites.  See I have proof.

bad santa The Christmas StoryAll those emails you gals are sending him made him go off the deep end.




Lady or Not… Here I Come!



The Christmas Story — 87 Comments

  1. Definitely one of my ultimate Christmas movies. Saw it with my sister and her friend and HE was horrified and insulted etc and walked out. I couldn’t understand it. My sister and I howled through the whole film, even wept a bit during a tender moment or two. We still use “is granny spry?” as one of our favourite expressions. LOVE this film. Guess Billy Bob/Jason didn’t have the EVIL Christmas Elf/Narc watching him.

  2. Too cute. It’s good to get a little Christmas cheer. To me, Christmas means more writing time! Yay! And maybe a new gadget…I had never thought of it as a time to watch really bad Christmas movies. Maybe I’ll reconsider.

  3. I don’t know but I see John Ritter’s name on there. He was in some pretty unsuccessful films, but he was always worth the watch. Getting sidetracked from the point now: “Skin Deep” the scene with the glow in the dark colored condoms, hilarious!

  4. I saw Bad Santa with my MIL and FIL. My MIL almost died as well did my wife. FIL and I laughed our asses off. The second time wife and watched it she thought it was much funnier. Apparently, “Fuck me, Santa!” isn’t as funny with your mom. I beg to differ. :)

  5. Being the the newest member of the cult of Becca I am reading this on assignment. Of course it is a very insightful piece … as always. I have to admit though that I never actually watched the movie, but since I hold Becca as the prettier, much smaller, white Oprah her word is my command as far as reading, riting and ratching movies. I am Jewish so my not get all the nuances of Santa humor. I am more familiar with his Jewish sister, Tanta Claus. :D

  6. I’m really confused by the plagiarizing dinosaur tags…Anyway, I’ve never seen the movie, but I agree that few things are more uncomfortable than watching a sex scene with a relative. And yes, you turn on your tunnel vision and make sure you don’t notice any expressions by anyone around you.

Oh you know you want to give verbal ejaculation a try. Spit it out!