The Sins of Becca

You may not know it, but Becca is a walking confessional: it seems that no matter where she is, people feel compelled to tell her their secrets and unburden themselves.  She engenders a kind of automatic trust that way.  I am no exception: she’s listened to my troubles on many an occasion, and helped me forgive myself.  It goes something like this: “Forgive me, Becca, for I have sinned.”  Her reply: “Oh get over it and make me laugh.”

Becca The Sins of Becca

No she didn’t!

So imagine my surprise when the tables were turned.  Last night we were chatting, and we got on to the topic of houses – as in buying and selling and fixing them up.  At first Becca was her usual happy-go-lucky self, but as we continued talking, she became visibly nervous, even agitated.  When I asked what was wrong, she said, “Nothing!” with a crazy little laugh.  Her eyes were darting around like moths circling a bug zapper: a sure sign that something was up.

Just as I was launching into an exposition on dry rot, she suddenly blurted, “I did something awful!”

“What . . . do you mean?”

“I’m embarrassed to say.  I feel so guilty.”

“Oh now, I can’t imagine you doing anything really bad.”

“No, you don’t understand.  It’s something awful I did to our old house before we sold it.  If the owners find out they could sue me.  I’ve even done a little snooping; thank God they don’t get on the internet very much.  I worry about it all the time.  I had a dream about that house just last night.”

Now I was really concerned.  What sort of deceptive behavior had my friend been up to?  “Do you want to tell me about it?”

“I don’t know.  I’m afraid you’ll think less of me.”

“Oh now, that’s not possible.”

“What the hell?!  You can’t think any less of me?  Is that it?”

“Uh . . .”

“I have to tell someone.  This has been eating me up for almost a year now.”

“I’m here,” I said, preparing myself for the shock.  I wanted to be there for my dear friend, but what if she confessed to something truly awful, even criminal?

“Well,” she said, hanging her head, “when I repainted the bathroom, I decided to paint the handles on the cabinets too, so it would all look more even.  But there was one of the handles that was loose.”  She looked at me significantly.

I returned her look, nonplused.

“It was a bad screw,” whispered Becca (the fact that she appeared to be on the verge of tears held me back from saying “That’s what she said.”).  “I looked and looked, but I couldn’t find one that was the right size.  There was paint everywhere, and it was almost dinnertime, and I was so tired of working on that stupid house, and this one stupid handle was holding up the whole works, so . . . I superglued it.”

I didn’t say anything because I was waiting for her to get to the really awful part.

“I knew it was wrong just as soon as I did it,” she cried out, clearly in anguish.  “Right then, I knew how Adam felt when he bit the apple.”  She hid her face in her hands.

super glue for cheating men t shirts r7917143800db478aa6761f5ce0b39528 8nhmi 512 The Sins of Becca“Wait . . . you feel bad because you superglued a cabinet handle?”

“Yes!  I know you must think I’m a horrible person, but I couldn’t keep it inside any longer.  We underpriced the house by $10,000, but I still didn’t tell the people who bought it what I’d done.   Please don’t tell anyone.”

So of course, I immediately wrote this post.  The funniest thing about it is that I’m not exaggerating very much at all.  This is just how sweet our Lady really is.


Comments

The Sins of Becca — 116 Comments

  1. Well, Rod! roffl superglued here too. ;-) “she said, “Nothing!” with a crazy little laugh.” iI could not get worse (0 better) after this but brave me kept on reading almost till the end. cheerios serge

    well it got worse/better of course

  2. Don’t feel bad Becca you not “that” bad, I used to sell Real Estate and I heard that one very unhappy renter was so except about being made to move that when they left they put frozen shrimp inside the hollow curtain rod,,,imagine the smell in say July or August!

    • eewww See, I didn’t do it to be malicious. I did it to fix it. I tried many different screws and none would work. I did under price the house a huge amount for the guilt.

    • See, you know how ugly and deceptive people can be when it comes to selling houses. I tried to put it in perspective for her, but she wouldn’t buy it, no matter how much I lowered the price.

  3. I’m pretty sure this is a criminal infraction. All of those above commenters obviously do not understand the DIY implications of such a monstrous act. I hereby resolve to never buy a house that you’ve lived in. THERE. Punishment fulfilled.

  4. Thank god it was only super glue sin! This weekend I had to hear about an affair from an old high school classmate of mine! Do I look like your therapist?? And whenever I go to stores, people come up and ask me where stuff is and I’m not even wearing one of those cool vests or anything! lol

  5. I’d have ordered her to read Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky in the original Russian. You can’t pussyfoot around, Becca. First a handle, then a door then next thing you know she’s selling a house of cards in the midst of an illiquid market. It’s gotta be tough love. Go back to the classics.

  6. Bless me Becca for I have sinned:
    I have given my best friend a re-gifted present as opposed to getting her the gold chain necklace she wanted. I really WANTED to get her the chain, but, what was I going to do with a Cheese Fondue Kit? I have decided to keep the Gold Chain I had originally bought for myself. Am I an evil person???
    xx
    Sooz

  7. I’d hate to be your brain if you forgot to turn off a closet light before you moved. Y’know, the one in the back of the house you hope no one goes into because of the dead mailma– stuff.

  8. Egads. Next you’ll be doing something truly heinous like downloading songs or even movies without paying for them. Please don’t tell me you do THAT. Who else can I have faith in on this mortal coil if not the Wise and Powerful Becca?

  9. Oh man… I was in a rental, and the oven shelves were rusted before we moved in, of course the shelves broke and the realestate tried to take me to toen for all my bond… so I found the same oven at a dump with ‘permanent’ shelves, but it didn’t work… I switched them out… Shhhh….

Oh you know you want to give verbal ejaculation a try. Spit it out!