You crawl into bed on a warm summer night. The air conditioner is humming a soothing tune as you slowly drift in and out of consciousness. You flip over your pillow to the cool side and you nestle back into your blankets. Out of the blue you remember that you forgot to lock the back door.
With this in mind you roll out of bed to lock the door. Irritated you flounce back into the bed. Now neither side of your pillow is cool. You wiggle around trying to find just the right position. Again you think of waking your partner for…a midnight jockey ride. You decide against it because you know that will start a wet spot controversy. Instead you lay there and count the seconds as they pass.
Relaxing don’t you think?
Soon you’re farting the alphabet out of boredom. Brilliant thoughts come to you. You must write them immediately or they will be lost to the human race forever. Today’s news of Macaulay Culkin’s heroin addiction and the Olympics medal winners replay over and over like a broken record.
Suddenly your brain starts to take over in your weakened state. It is aware you passed on…churning butter. Taking advantage of your pathetic attempts for rest, it starts maniacally laughing. Shuddering, you desperately attempt to distract your mind by thinking about how creepy it would be if people really winked as much as they do in texts.
So sweet…
Your mind coos, “You know, there is a lot we haven’t thought about lately. We are going to think about the Miley Cyrus’ song Party In the USA. Let’s think of the words over and over.” You swear out loud, “Please just tar and feather me! It would be easier!” Your mate rouses for a moment to give you the go to hell look before passing back out.
Don’t you love it?
You finally get your brain to shut the hell up when the whisper comes again. “You know we haven’t thought about in a while? Evil clowns!” The air shuts off and your ears are buzzing with the sounds of the night. Your heart is thudding against your ribs when this image pops out at you.
Then you chuckle to yourself. Why? You know that you have won the battle of wits. After all, you are randy and that clown is looking pretty good after no sleep. ”Well played” sighs your Brain.
This is the sort of post you get from Lady or Not when she is still awake at 7:32A.M. because she can’t sleep. At least it’s Friday right? TGIF Y’all!
Or, you could end up dreaming about Miley Cyrus churning butter while the evil clown takes her from behind and you are watching it all as you are chained to a chair in the middle of the desert high on Macaulay’s heroin and a couple in a bathtub there in a desert from those Levitra commercials are taunting you because they will be randy tonight and you are S-O-L.
Bwahaha INDEED that would be an interesting dream. Still it isn’t as bad as being awake BECAUSE said person wouldn’t have that song stuck in his/her head.
That would be one heck of a dream
Why did Ted Danson immediately pop into my head when I saw that clown?
I did that the other night, just kept thinking of stupid thing and every little sound was annoying me. Made for a long day. I hope yours is good.
Hmm wonder what Danson represents to you…bow chicka wow wow
I am sorry you had a night like that.
This was hilarious. It happens to me every night. My brain can be pretty devious and sometimes it wins. Sometimes when nothing it makes me imagine is keeping me awake, it goes to its backup plan. “Alright, I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. Boom! You now have an awful stomach ache.”
I had never heard of a “wet spot controversy,” but it made me laugh out loud. You have a knack for clever wordplay and for making the mundane interesting.
Still not asleep, sigh. That is the nicest complement you could give me Jeremy. I aim to be as funny and well versed as you. Your poor tummy. Mean old sleep.
Clowns! I know you’ll appreciate this, but it won’t help you sleep:
I did, two hours! whoo hoo!
Those ramblings sound like the making of a screen play by Woody Allen..Let me see if he’s in town and I’ll have him call you.
LOL I am not his type…I am not his daughter.
Haha !!!!
See now this is something you can smoke weed to.
I KNOW….”I” am…..Hehehehehe….
You’re everyone’s type
Oh yeah….You’re right.
LOL always Darling
HAHAHAHA! Oh my god, you’re very funny
I’ve never seen that picture of what’s his name up there on heroin… wow. hahaha! … this is priceless. 
I love your reaction. I am glad you enjoyed it so much.
Keep reading
I clicked the thing to notify me, maybe I clicked the wrong one… Huh… Anyway, yah very funny. I got to the clown and you skeered me LOL !
LOL I love that you are laughing. You should follow me on facebook. Http://www.facebook.com/ladyornot
The midnight jockey ride sounds to be the best solution
however it has to be an all night affair, not just once round
the track and then to sleep… Oh nooooo
Have a very nice evening Rebecca and I hope
that you eventually got that much needed sleep
Androgoth Xx
I did eventually. Though this happens often because I am always writing in my head. So even when I am sleeping, I will wake up with an idea. That is how I got the name of this entire blog…Sleeping.
x,
Becca
I so feel your pain, girl… sleeping can be tricky sometimes, which is sad, since as far as I know, insects are capable of getting it done without too much fuss. Great post!
yeahh..if only I could be like the insects of the world…a roach
Have to say that this post is the perfect example of why sleep matters! Definitely an enjoyable read, though, but when aren’t your posts humorous joy-rides? Keep up the work as always and get some sleep, too!
LOL I will. It was one night when I first started my blog and my brain wouldn’t shut down.
Lol, see I’ve contemplated making a very similar post recently, but thankfully I was able to shut down to computer before I posted ’cause it was not going to make any sense ; p
LOL Are you trying to give me a big hint?
LOL No nothing like that, just a long rambling post that would have went nowhere
: ) oh and thanks for the welcome back, haha
Damn that clown is evil!!
Haha it is!
LMAO!
I am glad you had a good laugh. I know I was so tired when I wrote that post.
You had me at “fart the alphabet”
I knew it. That is the line that everyone relates to.
Funny, love it!
Thank you. I hope to keep seeing you around here.
I forgot to lock the door last night and had to get up. Did not get much sleep either. Had to get the kids up at 6:30. I may not sleep tonight after seeing the clown. The churning butter photo is comforting though.
LOL You found an older post by me. I am glad you enjoyed it. Not let the clown bother you, he is has that face because he is scare. Like Monster’s inc.
Given that evil clowns scare the HELL out of me, I’m not sure what possessed me to even CLICK on the image. But, I read your post, and can totally relate. What is it about writers like us and insomnia? Like you, many of my ideas prevent me from sleeping. But the evil clowns keep me from getting out of my bed to grab my notebook and pen, not to mention the fact it would piss off my husband. Then again, I DO sleep with my not so smart phone. Maybe I’ll start writing notes on that. But then I might wake him with the light coming from it. SIGH. You have a great, funny blog btw! Great humor.
Best,
Madmusicfan
Thank you so much. This post was one of my first. My head was going 90 miles an hour when I started it. 10 months of writing a funny post every day has slowed that down a bit.
That said, evil clowns are very scary. They are allergic to sexual innuendo and purple socks. So if your purple socks are dirty and you need to write, just hit on the clown and you’re good.
I hope to see you around here more.