I was asked recently to post about how I would dominate the world using a few items.  I will highlight those items. http://sagedoyle.wordpress.com/ aka Mr G.

World domination is a goal many strive for, but few can pull off.  With a few easy steps, you too can be on your way to a life on top. Before you start this quest, make sure you have these items on hand:

• beer
• onions
• mannequins (or as Mr. G spells it, manikins)
• saxophonists
• Christopher Walken

Now that you have gathered your supplies, drink your first beer.  This is the key to survival.  Boxed wine and/or Southern Comfort 100 proof are the only two acceptable substitutions; though without beer you will likely fail.  Any other substitutions will end your journey before it starts. Only the aforementioned alcoholic beverages will loosen your morals and allow you to make very bad choices.

After you have consumed your booze, eat some raw onions.  This will make your breath prime for fighting.  If you would like to add a hot dog or sausage to the equation, please do.  Your food pleasure is my pleasure. Make sure to feed Christopher Walken while you’re eating.  Offer him a beer too.

Then look at the list of members of Westboro Baptist Church (they are trying to picket the funerals of the children and teachers) that the hackers assembled. Have a saxophonist teach members to play the saxophone on the sly.  If they refuse, you can use Christopher Walken and/or the mannequin as stand-ins and Photoshop.  If he gets a fever (Walken), allow him to play more cowbell.

Then use Photoshop to make sure each male member’s mouth is full of… any item of your choice.  Then print up posters and post them around your city.  If confronted, blow your onion breath in the WBC member’s face and they will run the other way. Once you embarrass the group into silence, people will beg to be your minions.

 What??? It’s a rooster!

The end.

x,

Becca

Lady or Not… Here I Come!